I'm woken up by a not actually early call from the detective that ends up with him adding me on WeChat, and written assurances that I'm not suddenly getting arrested this many years down the line and that he just really needs a particular piece of paper¹ signed and witnessed² in ways that remote technology³ do not legally allow for.

It's a mediocre start to a day that will mostly continue being mediocre with highlights such as my thumb brace (the shipping of which was the whole reason I've taken the route I've been on the past few days) being returned to sender by the Courier Station because a standard 30-day hold before calling the recipient again (and possibly charging them) is practically the same as 30 hours.... and I didn't answer the phone when they didn't call me; a slow leak on my rear tire⁴ that I can't handle myself because my right thumb hurts; and an encounter with the least prepared touring cyclist I've ever met.

After the day in 2017 spent riding with the fellow in Chongqing (on his way from Shanghai to Tibet) who had already done a few thousand kilometers with plastic carrier bags hanging from his handlebars and whose road diet was bad enough that his severe malnutrition could possibly have lifelong effects, I never thought I would or could meet a less well prepared touring cyclist. However, just as there is always a higher high, there is also a lower low.

Lacking a headlight⁵, method of listening to music, route plan, bidons, or bike shorts, and apparently camping and cooking (though I can't see how with only two panniers and a rackpack), he was in his fifth day on the road "heading for Beijing" after being inspired by content creators on Douyin (like me!), buying a bike for the first time in eight years, and quitting his job.

I met him after leaving the World's Number One City for Speedbumps (where the Giant Bicycles patched my tube for me⁶) and rode with him, first on the trucky G105 and then on the Gan River dyke, for about two hours but the coming approach of dark, my intention of spending money on my lodging, and his not yet having reached his targets for the day had him leaving me shortly after we stop so I can explore a pagoda and make a video about it⁷.

As the dyke isn't intended to be a through road, getting off it and down to the city is an interesting adventure that leaves me mud splattered and grumpy and not yet in the parts of the city that have people in them. When I get to the first place with food, it's next to a hotel that's bookable online and I go no farther. 

In further proving the idea that "no Foreigners Allowed" is a knee jerk "I don't want to deal with hassle", the call to the police not only turns me almost immediately from "just go away" to "all the way from Hainan? You are soooooo cool," the front desk guy (who isn't told that I'm wanghong) finds my Douyin a few days later, follows me, and sends a message expressing his regret over forgetting to get a photo with me.

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¹ Although my legally prescribed and aquired pain pills were the only thing that wasn't returned to me after the raid on my apartment, the List in my File doesn't include my laptop and that's an expensive enough "missing item" to trigger internal investigations.

² The rules against allowing the appearance of impropriety to enter the Record are so strict that the evidence envelopes which were taken from my apartment were signed and countersigned with thumbprints over the signatures and date. There may or may not have been a fuckup resulting in certain items they intended to take not being taken and the date written on one of the envelopes not necessarily being the same as the date that envelope was collected, but no one who signed or countersigned the envelope (including me) acknowledged this, and this mistake—if it even happened—isn't in the Record.

³ Although vastly more robust than it was pre-pandemic, I've dealt with the Chinese legal system's remote capabilities as far back as 2012, and this actually makes perfect sense.

⁴ As I refill from 45psi to 70 roughly once every 75 minutes, the Xiaomi electric bike pump Chinese Boyfriend gave me is a godsend.

⁵ As I felt it pushed me to get to lodging before dark, I went years without a headlight. He's just riding the main road and using the light provided by passing cars on trucks.

⁶ Unwilling to try out my pump because his full size floor pump is plenty good enough, it was only 40psi (recommended minimum 45) when I attached my pump "to show him how super cool it is". 

⁷ This is only the second time I've ridden with someone who admires content creators and both times I've found that they don't like the fact that making the content they consume costs time.