Dateline: Narathiwat, Thailand

I’m in the motherfucking ‘red zone'. This is the most dangerous area in all of Thailand. There’s a war going on! Outside of Tak Bai, I kept getting passed by APC's with top mounted 50cal. machine guns. Last week two rangers were shot in an ambush in Tak Bai, but bro, I went there. The LZ was a bit hot, but I went to the 7-Eleven bought a hotdog and Pepsi Max to calm myself the fuck down. Got to keep your wits about you at all time.  Be aware of your surroundings! 

Next to the mansion, I stopped for breakfast, a bowl of โจก or, as commonly translated 'jok'. If you recall the movie Hangover 2, Stewart's future father-in-law refers to him a 'jok', which as he explains his reason behind this, is rather insulting.. I find jok to be flavourful especially is you can mix the egg up before it gets hard, then the rice has a yellow eggy taste all mixed up, and is real good. The old guy running the place brought out some dim sum and sala boa buns, and said ' try these, there really good. So I did, and I’m thinking 'what a nice guy being kind to the only tourist in town'. I eat everything and it was all good.  I ask for the bill, 90 baht! I thought he was being nice, but the motherfucker charged me for everything. I just read on Reddit that if a company sends you something you didn’t ask for, they can’t later ask you to pay for it.  Lesson: Thailand is not America, especially in the 'red zone'.

I head down the coast 34 clicks, cross the Do Long Bridge and enter Tak Bai, the reddest of the red zone. APC's everywhere, soldiers everywhere.  I stop by the 7-Eleven, as they have a nice temple to relax at and suck down a wiener, or as we normally say, a hotdog.  I buy a bag of chips, which causes consternation amongst the three staff members at the counter.  The chips are 'Ham Sandwich' flavour and they want to confirm that I understand that it contains pork.    I’ve been studying Thai off and on for the last four years.  Because I don’t think I can tell them that it’s not really pork in the chips, that’s it’s just some artificial flavour made in a factory in New Jersey, I tell them that in my country, America, we don’t have religion, and therefore I can eat pork.  Satisfied with my response I am able to buy the chips and head to the temple.

At the temple, which is also an army base, this is the ‘red zone' after all, an apostate starts to talk to me, because I am the only tourist in Narathiwat, and he speaks English. The apostate was born a Muslim but switched to Buddhist, but he has never told his parents this.  As we chat I eat my hot dog.  It was good as it was infused with cheese.  The only bad part is that mustard is not a condiment in Thailand, but I really like mustard.  Before I came on this trip I thought about bringing mustard as I have a couple containers  of Frenches.  I wasn’t sure if I’d eat a hotdog on this trip, so I left it at home.  That was a mistake, as that was a good hot dog, and I can see eating one every day.  I have a nice conversation with the apostate, and he confirms a hotel in the city of Ra-Ngae, which is good as now I don’t have to return to Narathiwat City, and the fucker that I thought was giving me free breakfast stuff.

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