If you ever wondered if it is possible to sit and watch your breath for 14 hours a day, the answer is "yes", for some people. Others like me, sit and squirm and our thoughts go all over the place. We are told that when we realize that our mind has wandered, just notice it, and bring it back to our breath. But Vippasana meditation is about much more than watching your breath. That's the beginning stage, the preparation work for true Vippasana, with is about recognizing the impermanence of all things, eliminating suffering by eliminating cravings and aversions, and doing it through meditation focused on body sensations. If that sounds a lot like Buddhism, that's because it is. But there is a lot of emphasis on calling it a universal technique that can be used by people of all faiths.

But back to the sitting part. During registration, there had been a table set up to request a chair for meditation. I asked Boo, the translator, about this, commenting that I was not accustomed to sitting on the floor, and that it might me a problem with the long meditation sessions. She encouraged me to give sitting on the floor a try, and said it would be easy to get a chair later if I needed it.

The schedule was the same every day. Morning bell at 4 am, and meditation from 4:30 until 6:30. This meditation could be done in the hall or in your room, but new students were encouraged to go to the hall.

The first morning I was up, and sitting cross legged on the floor by 4:30. Within 15 minutes, my back was sore, my hips were sore, and I thought that I might break in half if I stood up. I got up, and didn't break in half, and got another cushion from outside the hall. That helped a little, and I managed to stay in the hall for about an hour. Then I went back to my room and lay flat on the bed.

Breakfast was at 6:30, followed by a required meditation in the hall with the teacher at 8:00. I went back into the hall, and saw that in addition to all of the chairs near the back, about half of the floor cushions near the front had back rests. Hmm...how do I get one of those? I made it through the one hour session with the teacher. For the next 2 hour session, the new students were given the option meditating in their room. I took advantage of it. I tried to meditate, but will admit that my mind was not focused at all. At about 10:45, before the 11:00 lunch break, I went looking for one of the Dhamma Helpers, to try to get a back rest. I eventually found one, who told me she would get one for me and that it was still 5 minutes before lunch. I continued walking around the facility, and then Boo found me and told me that I was breaking the rules and causing a problem for the Dhamma Helpers, that it was still meditation time and I had to be either in my room or in the hall. Properly chastised, I went back to my room and then the bell rang for lunch.

When I went back into the hall for the afternoon meditation, I did indeed have a backrest. It helped a lot, and I made it through the afternoon sessions, not entirely comfortable, but I survived.

Afternoon tea was at 5:00. New students like me were allowed some fruit with their tea. In practice, there was also bread and peanut butter available, and some crackers and cookies, so the absence of an evening meal wasn't much of a hardship.

After tea, there was another required meditation in the hall, followed by a Dhamma Talk, or evening discourse. The teaching at all of the Dhamma centers was that of S.N. Goenka, who reintroduced Vippasana meditation to India and other countries. He passed away a few years ago, but teaching still uses his recordings, and the evening Discourse is a video, in English, of him just sitting and talking about Vipassana and the dhamma. He is an effective teacher and can be quite funny, and clearly was passionate about the theory and practice. English speaking students watch the video in the mini hall. Thai students listen to a translation in the meditation hall. After the discourse, there is another required meditation session which includes instructions for the following day. And then to bed, lights out.

I crashed hard on night one. Sitting had been exhausting, and I hurt everywhere. I discovered that there is a very fine line between having your mind wander, and actually falling asleep and having a sort of mini-dream. The line only becomes visible with a little jerk of the head when your body recognizes that it has fallen asleep. I resolved to ask for a chair.

On day 2, we continued working with the breath. During the breaks, I looked for Boo, hoping she would help me get a chair. I finally connected with her after lunch. She told me I would have to ask the teacher. So much for it being easy.  The teacher was available for questions by appointment at noon, which we had just missed, or after the final meditation at 9 pm. Okay, I would go at 9, and Boo would interpret, as he only spoke Thai. I made it through the day, and made my request before going to bed. It seemed like a formality, but it was approved.

On day 3, I found my floor cushion moved to the back row, with the chair next to it. Ahh, relief.

The days continued much the same. I was more comfortable, and having a little more success staying focused. Days 1, 2 and 3 were focused on breath work, watching the breath in the little triangular area around your nose, not controlling it. Day 2 was about feeling the touch of the breath inside your nostrils or above the upper lip. Day 3 moved to feeling the sensation of the breath, just above the upper lip. This was in preparation for day 4, Vipassana Day, when we learned about body sensations. We scanned our awareness through the body, head to toe, noticing body sensations. There were gross sensations, like pain from sitting or the itch from a mosquito bite, and subtle sensations, the weird little pin pricks and vibrations that don't really have an identified source. These subtle sensations are sankharas, the old reactions to cravings and aversions, coming to the surface and leaving your body. So we spent day 4 learning about sensations, and day 5 practicing noticing those sensations, scanning head to toe. Day 6 we added a toe to head scan, head to toe and then toe to head. With the introduction of Vipasanna, the 1 hour meditations became adhitthanas, sittings of strong determination. The intent was to sit without opening your eyes or moving your hands or your legs for the full hour. For other meditations, we were permitted to adjust our posture as needed.

I was still having trouble staying focused. It seemed like body scanning could add some structure and improve my focus. I went back to my room after lunch on day 5, counted body parts for scanning, head to toe and toe to head, and timed my breath. I figured out for how many breaths I should linger on each body part to get two full cycles in one hour. For the next two sittings, it worked perfectly. I was able to count breaths and know exactly where I was in the hour and also maintain focus on the subtle body sensations. Perfect, I thought! But there was a bit of doubt, and I used the 9 pm question session with the teacher to ask about it. He said absolutely no, counting is not allowed. It is like chanting, which is verbalization, and verbalization and visualization are not allowed. In fact, we had been told that, that they prevent you from reaching the deepest levels of your mind. I had thought of verbalization as words focused on some being or saying, not numbers. I was wrong. So I stopped counting and lost some focus. Counting would not have worked too long anyhow, as we moved on t0 doing body parts in parallel, and then en masse.

Days 7, 8, and 9 were intense. We were encouraged to "work seriously, seriously". There were discussions of these body sensations sort of filling the body with quivering vibrations, and we were asked to extend our body scans to include the spinal chord. We heard lots of discussion of the universal principal of impermanence, and suffering, and the release of suffering through these sensations. We were warned not to develop cravings for these subtle sensations, or aversions to the gross ones. Somewhere in the middle of this, I figured out that I didn't need to know where we were in our hour of strong determination. The hour would end when it would end, and knowing how close or far away that was wouldn't make any difference. I kept my eyes shut, and didn't sneak any looks at my watch. I also stopped naming my sensations. I figured out if you call an itch an itch, you'll want to scratch it. But if you just notice it, and don't give it a name, it will subside. I think I'm catching on to this impermanence and craving and aversion thing.

By the ninth day, everyone is looking a little zombie-like. I'm sure I'm looking that way, too. I've stayed in my head so much that it feels like it could explode. Or maybe implode. Even when my mind wanders, which it is still doing a lot, I'm inside my own head. Early on, it was pointed out that by studying your breath, your mind will wander, and you learn as much about the mind as you do the breath. I feel that's true, but I can't tell you what I've learned. Maybe it's that verbalization thing, it's at a deeper level of the mind than that used for verbalization.

Do I believe in the theory that truly recognizing the impermanence of everything and every being will remove suffering? I'm not fully subscribed yet, but I do see that eliminating cravings and aversions can lead to more joy and to peace and harmony (a phrase we've heard a lot).

We're told that on day 10, after the morning sitting, we will break the noble silence. Also that we'll learn a new form of meditation, one to work with Vipassana, not instead of it.