April 3, 2014
Welcome to Armenia: We'll be watching you
I wasn't feeling too concerned about the Armenian border, because the information that I had read was that Azerbaijan will give you a hard time if you've been to Armenia, but Armenia won't care if you've been to Azerbaijan. That was the basis of my decision to go to Azerbaijan first, and why I didn't want to mention Armenia to anyone there. However, I soon realised that the 'Armenia won't care if you've been to Azerbaijan' theory was a crock of sh!t as the border guard thumbing through my passport stopped on the page with the Azerbaijan visa, looked very troubled, and got up and walked to another booth.
Before very long I found myself being interrogated by another border official. I say 'interrogated' although 'questioned' would probably be more appropriate. 'Interrogated' sounds more dramatic though doesn't it? In the movie there will probably be some water-boarding. In reality I was still standing outside in the cold talking to a man through the window of a booth. He, like all the border officials was wearing a fur hat and looked Russian. In fact, everything looked Russian. It wasn't very nice. The questioning was quite thorough, and included the following - "Why did you go to Azerbaijan? Why do you come to Armenia? Do you travel alone? Why do you travel alone? Do you have no friends? Why do you have no friends? Did you serve in the army? Why did you not serve in the army? What University did you go to? What did you study? Where will you go after Armenia? Will you get to Iran today? (it was 500km away) How long will it take you to get to Iran? Where will you stay in Armenia? Do you have hotels booked? Why do you not have hotels booked? What is your favourite way to cook potatoes?" and so on and so forth.
During the questioning another guard walked out of the booth and the handle fell off the door and landed on the ground next to me. It was that kind of ramshackle and Soviet-esque setting. My interviewer was writing notes about what I was saying on a piece of scrap paper. It was quite the dossier he was putting together on me. Eventually he was through with the questions and handed me back my passport saying "Welcome to Armenia" with a look that said 'We'll be watching you.'
Well I was in Armenia and I felt like I was in the Soviet Union. Cold faces stared at me as I walked in to the country past dilapidated buildings. I found somewhere to change money. Nobody spoke to me or said hello, people pushed in front of me at the queue, it was an unfriendly place. I walked outside again and it suddenly seemed freezing cold, the skies overcast and dark. A shiver ran down my spine, I wasn't sure if it was from the cold or from the situation that I suddenly found myself in.
I started cycling along a narrow road which was following a river up into a canyon with grey mountains on either side. On another day it would have been beautiful, but under the circumstances it seemed a harsh and unforgiving place to be. The houses that I saw looked miserable, as were the faces of the few people I passed. Talk about a contrast from Azerbaijan, I could hardly have imagined a more different situation. All I really wanted to do was go back, I hated Armenia.
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I was feeling nervous after the difficulties at the border and after about twenty kilometres a white Lada pulled up opposite me and a man in uniform got out and walked over to me. The uniform looked like that of an army general, although he told me that he was police and he wanted to see my passport. It was ridiculous that someone like that would be driving around in a beat-up old Lada, but he was a big man and quite intimidating. I showed him my passport and he asked me a few more questions before leaving. I was glad when he was gone but his latest incident made me feel even more anxious. As well as this there seemed to be an awful lot of marked police cars passing me and I was absolutely sure that I was being watched and I grew extremely paranoid about this. I realised that nobody really knew that I was even in Armenia and it was a country that I knew nothing about, and I actually genuinely became quite scared about what could happen. Paranoid visions of being taken away and genuinely interrogated, never to be seen again, crossed my mind as it began to rain and I rode on alone through the narrow canyon.
Of course it was really great that this movie was finally living up to the 'action-adventure' billing (shame it took nine months to get there). I decided to 'man-up' a bit and start acting more like the heroic alpha male lead. Here I was in unknown lands being pursued by numerous police forces and an evil Soviet army general in a Lada and I had to figure out a way to lose them. That was difficult because there was only one road and the river going up through the valley, but then, suddenly, Bear Grylls flashback! Yes! He did say something, yes, if you are being tailed, travelling in a river is a great way to not leave a trail or a scent. Yes! Brilliant! I would do that, I'd cycle in the river. Let's see your white Lada follow me there! But just as I was about to push my bike into the fast-flowing freezing water my brain kicked into life again. 'Erm sorry, yes, if I could just step in here and make a suggestion, perhaps if you want them to think you are not a spy and are in fact only here as a cycle tourist, the best thing to do is probably to act like a cycle tourist, not a spy.'
I couldn't deny it, my brain was on a roll recently, I had to agree. So I stayed on the road and because I still thought I was being watched, and because it was raining, and because there would have been nowhere to camp in the canyon anyway, I checked into a guesthouse for the night. In so doing I was able to speak with some Armenians, who turned out to be very, very nice people. This reassured me a great deal. Also reassuring me a great deal was the Internet, which told me that tourists generally as a rule don't disappear on visits to Armenia. Even so, I locked the door and slept with one hand on my bazooka.
03/04/14 - 66km (45km in Armenia)
Today's ride: 45 km (28 miles)
Total: 15,779 km (9,799 miles)
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