October 10, 2013
Stop Press Again!: Briton cycling around the world, visits Belarus, hates interviews!
The next morning I woke up alone (obviously, come on) feeling extremely tired and hungover in my massive hotel suite. Not wanting to waste a moment of my expensive Belarus visa I spent the rest of the morning lying in bed watching television (like I said, there were two, and I only threw one out of the window.) I had now gone three nights without much sleep and had followed up my 227 kiometres ride by drinking too much beer, all of which was combining to make me feel like hell. At least I had the prospect of another stupid interview to look forward to.
If there had been any physical way to stay in that hotel suite another day I certainly would have, but unfortunately my Belarus visa was soon to expire, and I'm not a millionaire. If you ever do find yourself staying at the Hotel Semashko in Grodno by the way, may I recommend that you drink all of the contents of the mini-bar, for on my way out they merely asked if I had taken anything from it and trusted me entirely when I said no. The reason this was so trusting was that I had never given them my credit card details, and I had paid in cash for the hotel at the travel agency in Vilnius, so they had no way to recoup any of the cost of any drinks I may have stolen, or TVs that may have been broken.
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I made my way back into the central square and sat to wait for my next interviewer, Marina, to arrive. As I waited I looked around at the people, who seemed generally to be quite well-off and not doing too badly in life. From my short stay I had concluded that Belarus was really quite a nice country, clean and safe and as my first interviewers had been keen to pick up on, doing better than Russia.
Marina arrived and the interview began. She was a timid girl for a journalist, terribly afraid of the world. In fairness she was probably put off by my bad mood and short, irritated answers. She worked for the same website as Aliaksei and he had already interviewed me, so I couldn't really see the point in this one, especially as Marina's English wasn't very good. But it soon became clear that she was following a different, much more negative, line of questioning.
"Aren't you afraid?"
"No."
"What if someone attacks you in your tent?"
"They won't"
"Don't you carry a gun?"
"No."
"Don't you think you should carry a gun?"
"No."
I was being as short and irritated as I could. She moved onto the subject of friends and family.
"Don't your friends think you are weird?"
'That's a bit harsh!' I thought.
"You'll have to ask them"
"Don't you care about your family?"
"Yes, of course."
"Why can't you just be happy staying in one place?"
"I'm not sure you really understand me."
This interview, as you can probably tell, was not doing anything to improve my headache. I tried to tell her about how great it was to travel the world, but she wasn't really getting it. Perhaps sensing the increasing throbbing from my temples she decided to really turn the screw.
"What would you say is the meaning of life?"
'Did this woman actually just ask me to explain the meaning of life? In an interview about a bicycle trip? I can't believe this! My head hurts so bad it feels like its going to explode, and she wants me to sum up the meaning of life!!!'
"I'm not sure, thats a very difficult question to answer. I think its got something to do with foxes and the annoying short one from Ant and Dec, and maybe the number 42."
"What?" She looked confused, like her head hurt. I had won!
Just then I saw Hanna cycle across the square in front of us and disappear down the next road. I wanted to chase after her, although I wasn't sure what I would say. But there was one more question from my interviewer, and then she wanted to take a photo, and then I raced off as quickly as I could. Of course Hanna was long gone. With all my luggage my bike was about 50 kilograms. Add me in and you've got 120 kilograms. Hanna's bike was probably 15 kilograms, 20 if you include her. It was hardly a fair contest. She was gone, and I had to leave Belarus.
In a great credit to Marina's skill as a writer she managed to produce an article on the back of the least constructive interview ever. You can find this article by clicking here. It is in Belarussian, so I'll give you the gist. 'Briton cycling around the world, visits Belarus, doesn't like interviews.' I was pleased to see the reason for me being so tired was given: 'During the meeting, Chris was a bit jaded after little sleep lately, and some time ago drove whole two miles a day.'
Then there really wasn't much else to do except cycle back the way that I had come, out of Grodno and on to the Polish border once more. There was no sign of Reginald, but even I couldn't manage to screw up getting into the European Union with a British passport.
BELARUS SUMMARY:
Time: One and a half days
Distance: 52 kilometres
Best bits: Staying in an awesome hotel, meeting Hanna, behaving like a movie star
Worst bits: Too many interviews, being hungover, not being able to cope with the fame
Top tips: Say no to interviews
Disclaimer: For legal reasons I have been told by my advisors that I must state, for the record, that no televisions were actually broken during my stay at the Hotel Semashko in Grodno
Today's ride: 25 km (16 miles)
Total: 7,055 km (4,381 miles)
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