Off the beaten track: They'll have to send the helicopter

August 21, 2015

On the 20th of August nothing at all happened, except we rode our bicycles along in a style I would describe as merrily

In the evening we camped in a nature reserve and looked (unsuccessfully) for koalas. We did find lots of trash though, like this

It was still a nice place to camp though

After a good night’s sleep we woke up in the nature reserve and recommenced cycling on a series of quiet paved roads through the New South Wales farmland. Here we came across an old farmer out for a morning walk. As he strode purposefully along I thought I’d stop and ask him about the track up ahead that we’d spotted on our map that we planned to take. As a local dairy farm owner who’d been here for decades and who proudly stated that he walked five kilometres every day, he seemed like just the guy to ask. But to my surprise he replied that he had never even been up there on that track, yet he assured us that it would be no easy task.

“Well that’s just for four-wheel-drives” he said, looking sceptically at our two bicycles. He’d obviously failed to notice that cumulatively we had four wheels, because he went on:

“I wouldn’t recommend going up there on bikes. I don’t know if it is even passable. It’s very scrubby, you know, scrubby. Last I heard they had two logs across a river that cars have to drive over. It’s all bush. All scrubby. I wouldn’t-“

“Okay. Thank you” I replied. I’d heard enough. We were definitely going to be cycling on this track.

“If you get into trouble they’ll have to get the helicopter up there to help you!” The old fellow exclaimed as we prepared to continue. He obviously forgot that it was just for four-wheel-drives.

We took the turn-off and to begin with everything was great. The track was in fact a pretty decent gravel surface that was easy to cycle on and we enjoyed a lovely cycle through grasslands dotted with trees and kangaroos. Dea questioned how the old man could have lived here so long and never been on this fantastic road. But, of course, tempting fate is stupid, and so the quality of the road did begin to quickly deteriorate and before we knew it we were wading through puddles of putrefying slimy water.

As the track got more rocky and more difficult there was one highlight when Dea spotted a giant lizard. It had been out enjoying the sun in the middle of the track which, presumably, no other vehicle had come along on for some considerable time, when Dea arrived and startled it and it scampered up a tree. It was a most impressive reptile, with a very long tail and striking claws that wrapped around the tree trunk. We both stood and watched it for some time before resuming the struggle.

With the track surface getting worse and worse we stopped to take a break and I noticed that I’d lost a sandal. I’d put them on to get through the puddle and then left them on the back of the bike to dry, from where one had escaped. I decided to go back for it, ditching all my gear with Dea and taking the unloaded bike back for the search. While I was doing this a four-wheel-drive came along the track. It was the only other vehicle we saw all day and I was impressed that it was able to navigate this terrain at all. The driver pulled over and asked me what the hell I was doing, before assuring me that it was going to get worse further up.

Sandal successfully recovered we continued and were rather dismayed to discover that the pessimistic men were correct. Things really did go from bad to worse as we got higher up and reached sections where the rocky gravel track climbed upwards at seemingly impossible gradients. There was simply no way to cycle up some of them, and we had to help one another push each bike up in turn, making incredibly slow progress. It was exhausting work – we were both hot and soaked in sweat. Surrounded by tropical ferns and flowering plants it felt like we had come such a long way since the frosty freezing Victoria mornings just out from Melbourne.

We were lucky and saw about half a dozen of these lizards in all. This one crawled really close to me.

I was once again really impressed by Dea and her seemingly impenetrable resolve. Together we gradually ascended the steepest and most difficult sections until we finally reached the summit of the pass. It was a moment of success, not that the downhill on the other side was much easier. With the loose rock surface it was a treacherous descent which involved holding our brakes down almost as hard as we could and taking great care not to go too fast or to lose control. Then Dea went on ahead as I stopped for a toilet break. Unfortunately this meant that she was ahead and out of sight a few minutes later when I suffered a flat tyre. This was potentially disastrous, as Dea was carrying the spare inner tubes. I shouted after her as loud as I could but to no avail, she was too far ahead to hear me. Fortunately I had some spare patches and I was able to repair the damaged tube successfully, otherwise I’d have been making myself comfortable and waiting for the helicopter.

We eventually made our way down and reached the end of the difficult track and were back to the paved road system. Beyond Stroud Road we were able to take a back-road alternative to the main road which was simply lovely. Devoid of any other traffic, it rose and fell over the most wonderful rolling hills and the sky ahead of us lit up with colourful clouds as the sun dropped towards the horizon. It had been a great day and I stopped and told Dea exactly how I felt about it and about her. It really was wonderful and all that was left to do now was to set up camp.

It was C! Well done to 40% of you, you're amazing!

Unfortunately there was a real lack of campsites now, with us being back amongst farmland with fences lining the road on both sides. A solution was eventually found, as it so often is, with us putting up the tent to sleep in a ditch. It wasn’t exactly the Hilton, but fortunately Dea didn’t mind at all. What she did seem slightly concerned about, however, was the big dead branch that hung precariously directly over where we planned to put our heads for the night. Stepping up to the plate, I bravely declared that I would take care of the offending bough. 'This'll impress her' I thought, as I grabbed another long branch that was already on the ground and swung it high above me at the dead limb to try and knock it safely off. Although it looked like it was hanging on by a thread, a few hard bashes did nothing to shift it and, doing my best to preserve my manhood despite failing to really secure the area, I declared “I don’t think we need to worry, that’s not going anywhere” at which point I clattered the two branches together one final time and this time it did go somewhere. A sudden creak and gravity took hold, bringing the branch down. I panicked, realising that, as so often in my life, I had failed to think things through and Crack! the rotting wood came down and landed rather painfully upon my head.

The sound of female laughter at least confirmed that I was still alive.

20/08/15 – 59km

21/08/15 – 50km

Today's ride: 109 km (68 miles)
Total: 46,417 km (28,825 miles)

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