Last day in Laos: The end of a great country

January 28, 2015

I woke to the sound of monkeys screeching in the canopy of the jungle around me. Their high pitched calls were a far cry (excuse the pun) from the stereotypical 'oo-oo-aa-aa' monkey noises, but I knew that they came from monkeys because it was exactly the same noise that I'd woken up to when I slept at the Buddhist temple-cum-petting zoo, and I was pretty sure that there weren't any distressed reindeer around here. I got up and scoured the treetops looking for them, but most of the noises were from quite far away, and although I saw and heard something large move through some branches I made no confirmed monkey sightings.

Waking up in the jungle can be pretty cool

I resumed cycling up another long and steep climb, listening to the sounds of the jungle in the early morning, and naturally I soon devised a game which, of course, had a theme tune.

♪ ♫ Spot the monk-ey,Spot the monk-ey,
Oo-oo-aa-aa,
Spot the monk-ey ♪ ♫

I wasn't especially successful at this game, and after the best part of an hour cycling along with my eyes skyward and searching the tree-tops (which isn't a very safe way to ride a bike, but fortunately the Vietnamese truckers seemed to be having a lie-in) I had still made no monkey sightings. Then I heard something in the long grass at the side of the road, and moved my attention suddenly downwards, and blow my cotton socks off, there was a pair of monkey eyes staring back at me. Tiny little terrified monkey eyes that I caught just the briefest of stares from before the whole brown bundle disappeared as quick as a flash.

Even so the thrill of the 'Spot the Monkey' was quite, erm, thrilling, and it is one I'd like to share with you, dear readers, and so, while the theme tune plays, see if you can 'Spot the Monkey'!

♪ ♫ Spot the monk-ey,Spot the monk-ey,Oo-oo-aa-aa,Spot the monk-ey ♪ ♫

Anyways, so far as I know there are no monkeys in the above picture. Sorry if you spent a long time staring at it, but at least if you did you'll now have an idea of what the game was mostly like.

Sadly, before very long the sound of the monkeys was drowned out by the sound of horns being beeped as the Vietnamese trucks resumed their relentless attempts to send me into fits of despair. There weren't exactly a lot of them, relatively speaking, but they would speed along the twisting and turning road far too fast and blare their horns at every blind corner, the sound of these horns echoing around the mountains. It drove me a little bit mad all this, which was a shame for my last morning in Laos - a country that had been so good to me. I suppose it just proves the theory that if I spend long enough cycling in any country I will eventually find a way to hate it. Then I came to an accident scene, where a truck had rolled over and lay on its side by the road, another truck parked up next to it. It had evidently happened a short while ago, because there were men sitting at the roadside, but they were laughing and waving at me, so hopefully nobody was badly hurt. It seemed like the two trucks had just met each other on this tight corner coming from opposite directions. I'm sure they must have both sounded their horn as they sped into the corner, so I just can't imagine how this could have happened.

But you were both driving at great speed, and you both beeped? And this *still* happened. Seriously, I can't figure it out.

The road kept on climbing up steep inclines, and the day grew extremely hot and humid. It was what I would call 'tough going' but I knew that eventually the border with Vietnam would have to arrive, and I also knew that the border was at the highest point of the climbs, and it should get easier after that. Up and up I went - hot, sweating, exhausted - until I saw something that for a hot and sweaty jungle man was like a vision of Utopian proportions.

A natural cold shower in a waterfall - bliss!

Nearly at the end of the promised land and the beginning of... Vietnam

It felt like I would never make it, but finally I reached the summit and the end of Laos. And what a great country it had been, and what a lot of wonderful memories I had made since I first set eyes on the country and the lovely Dea sitting waiting for me at the Chinese border. All that remained was to get myself an exit stamp, something that would prove unusually difficult. First I had to get past the 'gatekeeper'. They usually have these men at the start and end of borders, who demand your passport and then flick through it with an air of authority which they really don't have. I hate those fukcers. So this particular man flicked through my passport particularly aggressively looking for nothing whatsoever, but could he tell me where I had to go to get my exit stamp? Could he bollocks.

Using deductive skills I didn't know I had I managed to locate the correct booth for passport control myself, but it was empty, there was no one in it. Just a desk and a computer and an empty chair. So I went to the next booth, where two border officials sat watching youtube videos. I asked them about getting an exit stamp but they just pointed back at the empty booth as if annoyed that I should disturb them. So I waited. And I waited. Laos had been a wonderfully laid-back country, but this seemed to be taking things too far. The window to the booth was open and on the desk I could see the stamp blocks right there. It was so tempting just to reach in and grab them, and just do the exit stamp myself, but I was feeling unusually sensible, and so I didn't.

Now usually I wouldn't take photos at border areas, because I don't want to attract unwanted attention. But this time any attention would have been nice

So tempting to reach in and administer my own stamp. But someone did eventually come and do it for me. And that was the end of Laos

LAOS SUMMARY:

Time: 29 days + 16 days = 45 days

Distance: 859km + 759km = 1618km

Best bits: There were so many good things about my time in Laos - the smiling children shouting 'sabadee' and all the friendly and welcoming people, the beautiful scenery, amazing waterfalls, river boat trips, meeting old friends, making new ones, and so many other great things. Not to mention monkeys. But I'm sure most of you can guess what I thought was my own personal favourite memory of all my time in Laos, and if not I'll give you a clue - she starts with D.

Worst bits: The fact that Laos allows Vietnamese trucks to enter the country without requiring them to disable their horns.

Top tip: Visit Laos, it's wonderful.

28/01/15 - 63km (40km in Laos)

Today's ride: 40 km (25 miles)
Total: 36,474 km (22,650 miles)

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