Introducing Mongol Motorcycle Paparazzi Challenge!: You can play this one at home (if you live in Mongolia)

September 5, 2014

After a brief stop in the town of Arvaiheer to resupply I turned west, for a final 200 kilometres of paved road to Bayankhongor. Turning west meant turning into a big headwind and as the road became more remote the scenery was all starting to get a bit 'samey'. One thing that kept me occupied was the endless squeaking coming from the sides of the road. At first I had thought my chain needed a good oiling but I soon realised that the noise was coming from thousands of rodents that lived in burrows where the earth had been dug up to build the road. It was difficult to see them though, for whenever I drew close they dived quick as a flash into their holes. From what I saw of them they appeared to be like small grey chipmunks. The squeaking noise they made was endless.

The good thing about these rodents was that they attracted a good number of birds of prey that circled overhead, and these were the biggest flying birds that I had ever seen. The wingspans of some of them must have been a good four or five feet as they glided effortlessly through the skies. At one point an eagle took off just as I passed and as I was going downhill our speeds were similar and it flew right along next to me. I could see its beak hanging open, its beady eyes watching, sharp talons ready to pounce. The power and beauty of these birds was remarkable, but most remarkable was the size, I couldn't believe how big they were. In the movie they will all be played by Big Bird off of Sesame Street.

It was difficult to get close enough for a picture before they flew off

This one actually flew off so quickly he left his head behind

Although watching the birds provided some entertainment things were starting to get a bit boring and I decided to invent myself a good game to keep things interesting. The game that I came up with was called 'Mongol Motorcycle Paparazzi Challenge' and the essential aim of the game was to take a photo of a Mongolian on a motorcycle without them knowing about it. I wanted to do this because the Mongolians that had been passing me on motorcycles looked really cool in their traditional robes and I knew it would make a good photo, but I'd always been taught that it was rude to take a photo of someone without asking, so I thought it would be better to do it discreetly. Mind you, I'd always been taught that it was rude to stare.

I was quite excited about my new game and it wasn't long before I spotted my first 'victim' riding towards me from the opposite direction. I grabbed my camera as I cycled from its easy-to-reach position in my front pannier and held it in my right hand, in such a way that it was hidden under my left arm, and to further hide what I was doing I pretended I was scratching my arm. I pointed the lens outward and prepared to catch my candid shot as the biker drew closer. But what was this? He started waving at me. Why the devil was he doing that? There was no way I could wave back without revealing my camera! Instead I nodded, and pretended to scratch more. "Terrible itch, no chance for a wave my friend!" He zoomed passed and I clicked the camera. Perfect! Success at the first time of asking!

I soon discovered that Mongol Motorcycle Paparazzi Challenge was a lot like surfing. It involved a lot of time scanning the horizon, waiting for that perfect wave to come revving along. It was a good 20 minutes before I got my second opportunity, this one arriving behind me. That was great, because it was a lot easier for me to angle the camera slightly behind, and because there would be less difference between our speeds and therefore more time to get the shot. Yes, this time I was sure to get things right, I just knew it.

It would have been easy for me to take a photo of the back of the motorcyclists as they went ahead of me of course, but that was against the spirit of the game, and I wanted their staring faces in it. I had to admit though, Mongol Motorcycle Paparazzi Challenge was much, much harder than I'd imagined. And I had another really long wait for the next one to come along. Before it did I was called to a halt by a man with a horse who came over to talk to me. There was a big v-shaped ditch at the side of the road and he ran down it and up onto my side of it, but he still had the horse by the reigns, just tight enough that the poor animal ended up halfway down the steep slope. The man didn't seem to notice. It was very difficult to communicate with these people and in this instance the conversation consisted almost entirely of place names, but at least I got a photo of a Mongolian out of it.

As I was saying goodbye I saw another motorcycle coming, so I quickly jumped back on my bike and got my camera ready. I was sure this was the one, I had a good feeling this time.

I'll be honest with you, Mongol Motorcycle Paparazzi Challenge wasn't really all that fun anymore. I started to look through my camera's settings to see if there was anything that could help me. And there was! It had a 'burst' setting. All I had to do was hold down the button and it would take three pictures rapidly. It was just what I needed. How did I never know about this setting before? Well, I suppose I never needed it before. But I needed it now. With this 'burst' setting I was sure to meet with success. I couldn't wait for my next 'victim'. When they came, oh boy, was I going to be ready for them.

Half an hour passed, 45 minutes, an hour. Why had I chosen to play this game on the emptiest stretch of road yet? I needed to take a break, all this excitement was too much. I leaned my bike against a pole and walked over to take a pee on the grass. Almost as soon as I started to do so I heard an engine and looked up to see a motorcycle coming over the horizon towards me. Oh this was unbelievable! I waited an hour for this and it comes along now! I peed as fast as I could, zipped up, and ran back to my bike. The motorcycle was almost upon me. I just had time to grab my camera and hide behind my bicycle to take the photo. I wasn't sure if this was allowed in the rules, but I'd just invented the game and there were no rules, so it was probably fine. There was no time to set the camera to 'burst' but I made it in time to press the button just as the motorcycle passed.

I'd had just about enough of Mongol Motorcycle Paparazzi Challenge by now, and decided to play Mongol Goat Paparazzi Challenge instead.

Yes! Success! Although they move less fast and there are more than one of them

I cycled on, my success at Mongol Goat Paparazzi Challenge convincing me not to lose hope, but a lot more time passed with no more motorcycles. And then another man on a horse stopped me and after a brief conversation where nobody understood anything, he invited me to sleep in his yurt. It was a tempting offer but I declined for several reasons, namely, 1) our conversation had clearly run its course, 2) I didn't want to spend the evening being forced to consume vodka and meat and 3) Mongol Motorcycle Paparazzi Challenge was too enthralling.

As I cycled away from the man his two dogs started chasing me whilst barking viciously which wasn't something he felt in any way his responsibility to try and stop. Then at almost exactly the same time a motorcycle suddenly appeared from a track ahead and turned onto the road towards me. Ignoring the dogs I quickly snatched my camera and got ready. But upon seeing me the motorcyclist came to a halt and started talking to me. Embarrassed I slid the camera discreetly into my pocket although the man was so intoxicated I doubt he would have even noticed. I decided that I might as well just ask him if I could take a picture and he agreed, although I couldn't be sure he knew what he was agreeing to.

Just around the next corner I was stopped by an older man who was herding goats. He also invited me to sleep in his yurt. I felt bad to be declining these offers. Was I not missing out on the real Mongolian cultural experience by not accepting? In a way I suppose I was, but I had a fair idea of what a typical Mongolian evening might involve. Yes I could throw myself into it, I could spend the evening eating a lot of meat, getting very drunk, and losing my trousers and wallet. But I'd been to University, I'd done all those things in my time. I was old now, I wanted to spend my evenings asleep. So I said no, and I carried on.

"Oh please come to my yurt, I'm ever so lone-""-No"

There was still an hour and a half of daylight left and I still had hope of getting a photo of a Mongolian on a motorcycle. I still had that 'burst' function up my sleeve. It was a sure-fire winner, I was certain. All I needed was a motorcycle. But time passed, half an hour went by, then an hour. The sun got lower in the sky, gradually it disappeared behind the hills, and not one single motorcycle. Finally I had to admit defeat and pushed my bike up a hill into a half-sheltered spot to spend the night. I looked back down at the road and a motorcycle drove past. Obviously.

07/09/14 - 73km

08/09/14 - 81km

Today's ride: 154 km (96 miles)
Total: 27,970 km (17,369 miles)

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