January 1, 2015
Introducing Alan: He is an accountant
I was rudely awoken in the night when many people set off fireworks simultaneously at several different locations in what appeared to be a coordinated attack on my sleep. I considered this to be an extremely inconsiderate thing to be doing in the middle of the night, but other than this disturbance, New Year gave me nowhere near as much trouble as usual.
Morning came and it was a bright and beautiful and refreshing one. I did some push-ups and some stretching exercises (that I rather fancied might pass for a yoga routine) on the wooden hut thing that I'd camped by, in a typical sort of New-Year-Resolutiony type way. I brushed my teeth and swilled them out with mouthwash and resolved to do that twice a day too. But I only had one very serious and real New Year's Resolution and that was that I really did have to stop spending so much money. With that in mind I set myself a very serious target of only spending one thousand pounds for the first six months of the year. This was under continual pressure from my Talking Bank Balance, whose insistence that I stop emptying him so fast had finally hit home. In actual fact there was less than one thousand pounds left in my Talking Bank Balance now already, but Mr Credit Card said he was good for a loan so long as I promised to pay him back as soon as I got a job.
But how was I going to live, and travel, for six months on less than a thousand quid? I knew my Talking Bank Balance couldn't control me, that was a fact, and certainly not with Mr Credit Card egging me on. No, no, what I needed was somebody sensible. Somebody that could take me to one side and have a quiet word in my ear every now and then. Somebody that was good with the numbers and could explain exactly what I needed to spend money on, and, more importantly, what I didn't. I needed somebody straight-laced, sensible, disciplined. Meet Alan:
Alan was, and still is, at least at the time of writing, my accountant. Alan makes a note of everything I spend. He may look just like a pink notebook to you, and I apologise that he doesn't have the charm and natural beauty of Dea, or the magical haplessness of Robin, but he's all we've got for supporting actors for the next little while. By the way, Alan did not want to be pink, but it was the cheapest notebook in the store, and so I bought it, in the spirit of things. He also said he didn't think he should have 'BE FRESH' stamped across him, as it went against his personality, but I said it was useful, because it reminded me to brush my teeth and swill my mouth out with mouthwash.
I am sometimes asked how much money I spend and on what things, so hopefully in six months time I'll be able to give full and accurate answers to these questions, or more specifically, Alan will. To give you a taste of the excitement of my spending habits (don't worry I won't do this everyday) on the first of January 2015, I spent the following:
BANANAS - £0.40ORANGES - £0.40
WATER - £0.96
BAKED BEANS - £1.12
CARROTS - £0.18
COOKIES - £0.94
EGG FRIED RICE - £0.80
TOTAL - £4.80
Alan said I spent too much money on Baked Beans, but that he was very impressed with how healthy my diet appeared to be. I told him it was a New Year thing, and it probably wouldn't last.
In other news, I cycled around for a bit, and nothing much happened.
Today's ride: 53 km (33 miles)
Total: 35,128 km (21,814 miles)
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