December 20, 2013
Hello Ukraine, I've come from the West: and I'd like to get into your crisis
I was on my way to Ukraine. The day before I had read the headline 'Yanukovych tells West to keep out of Ukraine crisis' so naturally it felt like the right time for a visit. Approaching the Polish-Ukraine border there were lots of people standing in the road trying to hitch a lift across. They appeared to me mostly Ukranian and I assumed this meant that it was not allowed to walk across, which made me worried that I might not be able to cycle across either. I rode up to the front of the long queue of cars and was stopped by a border official who seemed equally perplexed. He went off to his little building to phone someone and when he came back he pointed me back. At first I thought he meant that I had to join the back of the queue of cars which didn't seem like fun. He was doing an awful lot of talking in Polish.
"Dude, I literally have no idea what you are talking about. Please try sign language."
Then he did, moving his pointed arm around in a big curve which made it clear that there was another way for me to go, which I took to be the pedestrain border crossing.
That is exactly what it was, hidden away through a car park behind a shop there was a walkway for pedestrians. I assume all those people hitchhiking also had no idea that the pedestrian border crossing existed here, or perhaps they were just being super lazy. I could understand that, because it was a fair old walk between the Polish and Ukranian checkpoints. There was a tremendous bright blue and yellow 'Ukraine' sign for me to pose with but once again I was just too scared to be getting my camera out in the middle of no man's land. I really need not have worried. The Ukraine border was easy, the guy just took a quick glance at me and stamped me in, no questions asked. Then rather annoyingly there was some sort of customs check where a man and a woman were looking in all the bags. 'This is going to be fun!' I thought. But they didn't want to look in my bags, they wanted me to take them all off and put them through an airport-style x-ray machine. I started unhooking them and loading them onto the conveyer belt. I was making quite a scene, there were hi-viz vests and bungee cords all over the shop. The man decided enough was enough and seemed to be saying I didn't need to put them all through but who could be sure, he was talking in some funny language. Anyway, now I was having fun pretending not to understand and kept on loading the bags through. There was just one bag left when the man put his hand out and made it clear that I really didn't need to put that one through and I should hurry up and put the rest of them back on and get out.
"Oh, but thats the one with all the guns and drugs in!" I didn't quite have the nerve to say.
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I was into Ukraine! This really was Eastern Europe now, no longer could I pretend I was still safely in Central Europe. The number of people staring at me suddenly tripled, the faces cold and unsmiling. But I wasn't bothered, because, as you just saw, there were chickens at the roadside! Chickens! How marvelous!
Beyond this first little town I was out on the open road, a long straight one with a gravel shoulder that reminded me so much of the first road that I took in Russia. It was going through forest, with occasional gas stations, the funny writing of course, and sometimes a Lada driving past being overtaken by a bus being overtaken by a truck. The only thing that was missing was the old ladies sitting at the side of the road selling the blueberries but I suppose you can't holy mother of what in the name is that?
After recovering from the shock of the billboard and, what, by the way, does that have to do with the Eiffel Tower, I continued on to the first town on my route which went by the rather catchy name of Мостиська. I was really rather taken by this town which absolutely reminded me much more of Mexico than it did of anywhere that I had seen before in Europe. There was a big square park in the centre just like in Latin American towns and around it the streets were a chaotic scene with lots of people on foot and cycling and the cars and the stray dogs all vying for position on pot-hole ridden roads. Even the trees in the park were half painted white and I tell you, if you stood there and wrapped yourself in an electric blanket and then did squat thrusts until you started sweating, jogged on the spot and squinted, you could definitely mistake it for Mexico.
I only saw one horse and cart on the road in the whole day, but then it was the major highway to one of the biggest cities in the country, and this is the 21st Century. It was really an unfortunate horse, having to pull a very heavy cart filled with what looked like sand. Two men were onboard, one in charge of the reins, the other sat atop the big pile of sand. The horse heaved under the strain and the thing moved at a snails pace as the traffic blared past. I wondered what those two men were going to do with all that sand when the poor animal collapsed and died, as it appeared it was about to at any given moment.
Onwards, onwards, I wanted to get to L'viv but I wasn't going to make it before nightfall. The road grew busier and the traffic was fast and uncaring. The shoulder varied from perfect asphalt to muddy mud as I went, but I stuck with it (and sometimes stuck in it) rather than risk the road. I was lucky that there was no snow here, because if the shoulder had been covered in snow I would have been forced into the road. Really quite remarkable, but it actually became a relatively warm, sunny day. By warm, I mean, a couple of degrees above freezing, but it was enough for me to remove my hat! And on the shortest day of the year too. This was a turning point because from now on the days would be getting longer, and I would also be heading south now. In other words, I was quite sure that winter was basically over now.
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I camped in the woods some twenty kilometres from L'viv. There was lots of woodland in his area and I found a really great place, although I remained on alert for hunters because I had seen one earlier in the day walking casually alongside the road, shotgun in hand. There was a big log next to my tent that I sat on to eat my dinner and as it was getting dark and I didn't want to be shot at, I wore my hi-viz vest as a precaution. Surely not even the most vodka soaked Ukrainian hunter could believe a deer would be sitting on a log in a hi-viz vest? So you might think, but as I was sitting there stabbing hopelessly at my rock solid chocolate spread, I heard a loud BANG! a gunshot for sure, from very close range. I froze in fear! The first shootout of the movie! What would Ryan Gosling do? BANG! Another shot. He would probably dive down under the log and return fire wouldn't he? I didn't have a gun. I did have a bag of peanuts to hand though, and I'm a pretty good throw. BANG! I was still sitting on the log looking around like a lemon. Okay, Ryan Gosling definitely would have done something by now! He wouldn't just sit here like a sitting duck. Stricken by fear and still not moving I then looked ahead of me and saw the fireworks display through the trees. BANG, BANG!
Today's ride: 64 km (40 miles)
Total: 11,173 km (6,938 miles)
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