October 14, 2014
A couple of passes: I lay there like an idiot with cold banana skins all over my mouth
I was by now far behind schedule and yet still determined to make my date with the beautiful Danish girl, so I got up at four in the morning to try and make up the time. I didn't want to cycle on the G30 in the dark though, and so I tried following the dirt track that was still running alongside it. This proved to be more difficult than I had anticipated, and the big puddles and rutted surface made for very slow progress. And after only three kilometres of this a big steep-sided gulley cut across the tracks and any hope of forward progress was blocked. This was a disaster, but it was about to get a whole lot worse. I stopped to wait for daybreak when I'd be able to climb back onto the G30, and sat down to eat some peanuts. Now the peanuts in China tend to come mixed up with pieces of very hot red chilli mixed in. These make the nuts spicy and tasty, but you aren't supposed to eat the pieces of very hot chilli. Well, you can almost write this yourselves can't you. I mean, what do you think happens when a man of my IQ tries to eat these nuts in the pitch darkness? I accidentally threw a piece of chilli in my mouth with the nuts and started chewing. At first it didn't seem so bad. I kept chewing. And then it did seem so bad. So, so, so bad! I spat the chilli out, but it was too late, my mouth was actually on fire now. Literally. I'm serious. There were flames, I swear. I grabbed a cold banana and mashed it into my mouth. When it was all gone I mashed a second in. The pain was intense. When all my bananas were gone I lay there like an idiot with cold banana skins all over my mouth. This day was a complete disaster, and the sun wasn't even up yet.
I had to climb all morning up a big pass. I did this back on the G312 which had reappeared suddenly as a narrow paved road. The surface wasn't great quality but on the way up it didn't seem to matter too much. The Great Wall of China was back again too, although I'd struggle to agree with the 'Great' tagline. 'Shoddy' might work better.
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After reaching the summit (40 kilometres done by one pm!) I switched back to the G30 because it was clearly going to be much faster on the descent. The wind was also good and I was keen to press on and make as much distance as I could, a cause that wasn't helped by getting two punctures in quick succession. I made it to 120 kilometres for the day, but it wasn't really enough. I still had 320 kilometres to go, and two and a bit days to do it.
I was up the next day at three in the morning and this time managed to make good progress in the dark on the much-improved G312. Around five in the morning I found myself lost in the city of Wu Wei, and sneaked past sleeping security guards like James Bond in order to examine a map in a hotel. Back on track I stopped in the city centre where I watched old people doing early morning exercises. Some were stretching, others walking backwards, another group played with samurai swords. It was a very Chinese scene below the big temple and a special moment.
The roads of the city weren't busy with traffic at such an hour, which was lucky because there were an awful lot of kids riding their bicycles to school. None of them had lights on their bikes, and none of them stopped at red lights, which was kind of terrifying to watch. But I left the city and daylight returned, and I myself returned to the G30 to try and save time.
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Shortly after meeting the Russians I had to go past some policemen that had stopped at some roadworks for whatever reason. Of the four of them the first three ignored me but the final one called me to a stop. He spoke perfect English.
"Bicycles are not allowed on this road," he told me, "this is for cars and trucks only."
"But I've been on this road for a thousand kilometres" I countered, "nobody has told me I can't cycle on it."
This was true so long as you don't count people telling me in Chinese. Well, he was actually a very friendly policeman, but he was quite insistent. "You cannot cycle here. It is a law of China."
"But the other road is more dangerous, there is no shoulder. Look how wide this shoulder is. It is much safer for me!"
"The cars here go very fast," he said.
"They go very fast on the other road!"
"I'm sorry, you may cycle to the next exit, but please you must leave this road then."
I guess my time on the G30 really was up now. I did as he said, grateful at least that he hadn't tried to escort me off in his car and not willing to push my luck. It was probably a good thing that I did go back to the G312 at this point anyway, because now the road climbed an even higher pass, and I saw the G30 went through several long tunnels that I probably wouldn't have enjoyed. My road was fine now, with a good shoulder, as I made slow and steady progress towards the summit. All evening I wanted to get to the peak before dark so that I could get to lower altitude before camping, but the climb went on and on into the mountains, and finally I had to admit defeat and camp below the top. The desert was gone and I was next to snow once more.
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Sumo baby goes in goal - 18km
Hammer head shark with two tails, man tries to have sex with petrol pump - 54km
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14/10/14 - 123km
15/10/14 - 130km
Today's ride: 253 km (157 miles)
Total: 31,176 km (19,360 miles)
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