September 3, 2022
cherpumple mike, goosekiller, walk with a friend
I regularly invite people on my bike trips in an attempt to help them realize what an amazing adventure it is to travel on two wheels. However, sometimes it's a hard sell: "Let me get this right.... You want me to place my butt on that tiny seat for five to six hours a day?!? And pedal the entire time??? What about all the sweating??? And the mosquitoes?!? And the other bugs?!? What if it rains?!? ....and, wait... and, and.... THEN, at the end of the day, you expect me to sleep on the ground?!? ....for TWO WEEKS?!?!?"
They then spit on the ground and walk away.
So, I was pleasantly surprised when Mike agreed to go on the first part of this trip with me.
My friends know him as Cherpumple Mike, because he’s the only person we’ve ever met (or even heard of) who has actually made a cherpumple. What’s a cherpumple, you ask? A cherpumple is an offspring of a turducken. Oh, okay, got it..... so... what's a turducken?
A turducken is a portmanteau of three words. It combines TURkey, DUCK, and chickEN into one word. It elicits salivation in many carnivores and, more specifically, is a deboned chicken which is stuffed into a deboned duck, which is then stuffed into a deboned turkey. It sounds kind of amazing, and certainly has gastronomic potential, but I refuse to eat anything with the word “turd” in the name. I eat plenty of shit already.
With that background, we continue.... the cherpumple, also a portmanteau, was inspired by the turducken, and is a combination of a CHERry, PUMPkin, and appLE pies. The apple pie is baked inside a spice cake, the pumpkin pie is baked inside a yellow cake, and the cherry pie is baked inside a white cake. When finished, they’re stacked on top of each other, covered with frosting, and devoured. This vegetarian-friendly dessert is delicious, and we were all extremely impressed with his baking skills.
The nickname stuck.
Plus, there are worse nicknames than Cherpumple Mike…. Turducken Tommy, for example.
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We loaded our bikes and gear into the van and Mike, an engineer, had everything completely immobile before we left for the 3.5-hour drive to Buffalo.
At Buffalo Harbor State Park I dropped off Mike + the bikes + gear, then drove to the airport where I returned the rental and got a Lyft back to the Park. By the time we loaded the bikes and started riding it was 3:45.
The first section was very urban with a lot of graffiti. Although I never felt like I was in a dangerous section of town, I realized that this might not be the safest area when I saw a sign that said: “Be Safe, Walk With A Friend.” I'm hoping the sign wasn't referring to me specifically, and in particular, my bicycling skills.
As a result of bridge repairs and road closures, there were several detours, and we had to pick our own way back to the trail several times. Fortunately, it's a Saturday and there wasn’t much traffic.
Once away from the downtown area we were mostly on bike trails, and the further we got from our starting point the nicer the trail became. It was very windy (i.e. not breezy; it had a lot of curves). We saw some cool old bridges along the way.
I guess I should've heeded the sign earlier when it said "Be Safe, Walk With a Friend." If I'd been walking, maybe I wouldn't have:
RUN OVER A GOOSE!
Before you feel too bad, know that Canada geese are known to be thugs, terrorizing unsuspecting joggers and bikers all over the Midwest.
There were a flock of them on the sidewalk… no, not a flock, a gang of them… looking tough and challenging anyone who came near during their quest to take over the neighborhood (then the city, then the world). When I came barreling through (definition of “barreling” - slowly cruising along the path at less than 10 mph), wild-eyed and laughing (definition of "wild-eyed and laughing" - humming "Turkey in the Straw" as I looked around at the scenery), I expected them to move, and all of them did with the exception of one squinty-eyed, seedy-looking fowl. In my heart, I know the reason he didn't move was that he was hiding a crowbar under his wing and was planning to use it on me as I passed.
Careening through the mob, I appeared to roll directly over it but wasn’t able to look down at it because of my breakneck speed. Once through, I immediately pulled over, fully expecting to see cartoon-like feathers slowly drifting down from the sky and an unlucky bird on the pavement behind me.
However, according to the only witness (Mike), my wheel didn’t actually roll over it. Instead, it was flattened by my pedal, compressing it to the size of a duck, or perhaps a turducken. When I slammed on the brakes and looked back, I wasn’t even able to tell which one I’d “run over,” so unfazed was the brazen bird, although I did see a crowbar laying on the ground nearby.
I did notice that all of the geese for the next several days steered clear of me. Seriously, it was almost eerie how they avoided me, like there was a telephone tree for geese warning them of He Who Will Roll Over You.
We continued on. Mike, an avid fisherman, brought a pole and dropped a line into the canal at our rest stops.
The tailwind was nice, and we stopped in Lockwood at Papa Leo’s where Mike ordered a pizza and I ordered a sub sandwich and three bottles of Gatorade.
I saw no sign of Papa Leo, nor anyone who appeared to match that description, so instead I asked the lady at the counter if there’s a place in town we can camp. She said anywhere along the docks is okay, but there’s a three-day limit. It was already 7:00 and getting dark so we decided to start looking. Google maps showed a place right on the canal called Upson Park. When we followed google’s directions it circled us all the way around and we entered from the opposite side. We would later learn that it was a very short and direct ride from the pizza place.
The park was nice, right on the water, and we immediately pitched our tents. Afterwards, we sat at the picnic table and ate our dinners.
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It was a bit warm and muggy, and I felt sticky but not uncomfortable laying in my tent. It was a pleasant first evening as we listened to the crickets surrounding us, an occasional car a couple of streets over, and the wind rustling the leaves.
We texted each other from our respective tents, which were about five feet apart, and laughed about it since we could've easily whispered to each other and still be clearly understood. Then we continued texting each other. I used my large towelettes to clean up, then read before falling asleep.
distance: 36.0 miles
elevation: +622 feet
total time: 4:06:00
moving time: 2:44:01
maximum speed: 36.7 mph
calories: 2016
Today's ride: 36 miles (58 km)
Total: 36 miles (58 km)
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1 year ago
I hope you enjoy the journal!
1 year ago