This has been updated since April 2024

The original title of the journal was 'failing forward' but I figured a title change was appropriate in light of all that had happened.  There were some pretty wild moments on this 2019 trip.  If you told me then things were to get even wilder on the 2020 trip it would seem unbelievable -- yet there it was.  The passport incident most definitely impacted what was to happen next in 2020.  There was a misunderstanding the entire time about the birth certificate.  As I found out later, without it there is no way they could have upgraded the replacement passport to a regular one.  If things were clear at the time, I could have gotten one sent over earlier.

Because of that and covid, it more or less bothed the attempt I made to find a job in Malaysia.  Hence a second opportunity to leave China that was fumbled.

I've since moved forward after both of those incidents, but the million dollar question still remains:  Why am I still in China despite all the opportunities to leave?   Will there even be a chance to leave in the future?  Or what about the possibility they'll kick all the foreigners out?  Leaving that aside for a moment, what about all the locals who will never have a chance to leave and are stuck in a place for life that is becoming more and more like North Korea?  

After having lived so long in China, it taught me the value of having citizenship in a western country.  Despite the crisis I find myself in for wanting to leave yet not having the courage to go through with it, at least there is an option to leave unlike most of the locals.   For that reason, being careless with such a valuable western passport is something that can never happen again.  I have since developed all kinds of methods to safeguard it, just like it says on the front cover of the document.

Occasionally people will ask if I plan to retire in China I scoff at that.  But then the years are flying by.  If you asked me that question 20 years ago I had the same reaction.  But now it's a bit scarier:  without a retirement plan in place and given my track record, there is a distinct possibility of my worst nightmare coming true, that is being stuck in China for life and watching my mental health deteriorate year after year.  

However you look at it, the political situation is not stable.  Even if it was, there is no way foreigners could ever immigrate or get permament residence.  And if they could, would they even want to?   You couldn't pay me to take it, and that's despite me lasting over 20 years.

So because of all this, and two recent post-covid trips, I came to the conclusion that there MUST be a retirement plan in place, and a pre-retirement plan for 10-15 years to bank the cash while relocating to a more stable third country somewhere outside of China.  Otherwise if there is not such a plan, then by default I'll be living a nightmare.  Once a plan is in place, the next question is whether I'll have the courage to pull it off.  Only time can tell, and the next journals will see what plays out.