THE IOWA MYTH: "It's Boring!"
Well, that's simply not true. Are pigs boring? Are cicadas boring? Is an ear of corn boring. Are a BILLION ears of corn on 100-million cornstalks boring? Why would anybody think 20 continuous miles of corn are more boring than 20 continuous miles of deciduous forest? Or 20 continuous miles of coniferous forest for that matter. Or 20 miles of tundra, sagebrush, cattails, vineyards, creosote bush, salt bush, rose bush, ambush, agave, ocotillo, prickly pear, apple orchards, cherry orchards, lemon orchards, lime orchards, lemon-lime orchards, orange groves, coconut groves, olive groves, China Grove, pine trees, Joshua trees, banzai trees, peach trees, palm trees, money trees, cotton fields, wheat fields, hay fields, poppy fields, strawberry fields, dandelion fields, sally field, cranberry bogs, wade boggs, rice paddies, watermelon farms, pumpkin farms, potato farms, worm farms, pepperidge farms, wildflowers, sunflowers, china cat sunflower, bunch grass, blue grass, swamp grass, prairie grass, green green grass of home, goldenrod, golden grain, Acapulco gold, Panama red, purple loosestrife, bluebells, violets . . . whew! . . . or 20 miles of any other plant-based landscape?
Pigs are no more boring than deer, elk, bears, beavers, bobcats, etc. Those animals just run away when they see you. Pigs will, likely as not, entertain you by wallowing in the mud, suckling their piglets, hip-checking other pigs out of the way at the food trough, or squealing at the top of their lungs.
Anybody who says Iowa is boring is, in my estimation, a boring person--a person who can't imagine the state has bluffs that rise 400 feet above the Mississippi River, a person who has never ridden through the Loess Hills at sunrise, a person who can't see the beauty in a white marble dome of a county courthouse rising above a thousand acres of green soybeans, a person who has never had the experience of biking, partying and eating pork chops & corn on the cob with 10,000 RAGBRAI-ers. It's OK. Everybody has their own preferences, I guess.
Yet, I can't help thinking there is something much deeper going on in the minds of people who say "Iowa is boring." I wonder if it's REALLY the corn and the pigs and the terrain that bothers them. Or is it possible that they don't understand the citizens. I know what they're thinking:
- "Sure they're friendly. TOO friendly. Those Iowans must be up to something.
- "What is that thing they keep doing where they raise a hand into the air and move it back and forth?"
- "I can't believe those farmers have nothing better to do than sit out on their front porches drinking iced-tea and watching that orange sun sink into the horizon. They must not have Netflix out here."
- "I could never live in Iowa because I like the culture of big cities. This state only has small farming communities--like Des Moines."
- "What's up with these Iowans? They seem to connect with their neighbors, and eat home-cooked breakfasts a the local cafe with friends, and greet one another on the main streets of their one-horse towns."
Another possible explanation is that you true believers in the "Iowa is Boring" myth are JEALOUS of Iowans. Perhaps you have seen the statistics showing that Iowans will likely outlive you. Iowans are more educated and have better schools. Iowans have a lower infant mortality rate. Iowans enjoy a lower crime rate. Iowans have a lower risk of cancer and stroke. Iowans have a strong bicycling culture. Iowa farmers feed the whole world, and high-fructose corn syrup, processed from Iowa corn, makes almost everything taste sweet and delicious. NICE!
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