ROCHESTER, MN: The Coach/Athlete Relationship

August 1, 2016

"Bad game plan today, Greg. Bad, bad, BAD!" That's what my cycling coach would be yelling at me today if I HAD a cycling coach, which I don't. But if I did, it would be an imaginary Vince Lombardi-like coach who would proceed to rip into me, carefully itemizing and criticizing every single mistake I made.

"First of all," Vince continued, "you seem to have no clue that there are weather reports on every form of media. You can catch one on the 10 o'clock news. Radio stations have one every half hour. The internet has plenty of weather related sites. Even the newspaper has a small weather section. Had you consulted ANY one of those sources, you'd have been aware of the 90-degree heat, the 85% humidity, and the 15 m.p.h. wind in your face. You're an idiot!"

"I DID check the weather," I replied, sheepishly.

"Then what the f--- were you thinking when you set out to ride 70 miles in that sh--?"

"I just thought I would power through it."

"Oh, good one, LOSER! And I guess you thought you could "power through it" using only rural roads with no place to get food or water for the first 55 miles? A little baby could have put together a better plan than that."

"Give me a break coach. I had two 20-oz. bottles of water, plus I ate two slices of summersausage at home before I left."

"Oh! My! God!" said my coach in a sarcastic tone I didn't appreciate at all.

"I kind of LIKED my route. It was pretty. Though, I must admit, it was much hillier than I expected."

"Ohhhhhhhh yes, I was just about to get to the hills," he pounced, "you do know, of course, that you can get elevation profiles on Google Maps?"

"But I use Rand-Mc . . ."

"SHUT UP! I know, I KNOW you use your antiquated Rand-Mc-Fu--ing-Nally maps. You never let me forget it! You are a disgrace to the bike touring industry!"

"Sorry."

"Sorry? 'Sorry' just doesn't cut it. Effective today, I resign as your biking coach. You don't listen to me anyway. From now on, I don't care how sore your legs are, how red your sunburn is, how yellow your pee is, how high your body temperature has risen, or how insane you've become from headwinds. Those are YOUR problems now! Good luck on the rest of your trip, CLOWN!"

Geez, I don't know what got into Coach Lombardi but I must admit I might have overextended myself today. I'm exhausted. But I still made it to Rochester, Vince, so stick that in your Pinarello and smoke it!

It's time for some pictures.

Early in the ride I had a nice five-mile stretch that looked like this.

The next 30 miles looked mostly like this.

The tiny town of Vasa had an historic Lutheran church, but no place to get food or water.

The tiny town of Bellechester had a nice Catholic church, but no place to get food or water.

I saw a gigantic white caterpillar. I couldn't slow down or I would have lost my momentum against the wind, so I twisted my body around and snapped this picture on the fly.

Then I had an enjoyable eight miles along the Zumbro River on Wabasha County Highway 7.

By taking Highway 7 along the river, I took a bit of a chance. There was a sign blocking the road that read "Road Closed 2.1 Miles Ahead." It looked OK to me, so I rode around the sign and hoped for the best. I figured the worst that could happen was that I'd have to walk my bike through some rough road construction or else wade across the river with my bike over my shoulder. I was prepared for either possibility.

Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. At the 2.1 mile mark I came to a bridge that was being repaired. I maneuvered my bike around the construction zone, bumped along over the beams of the bridge, and made it safely to the other side. My risk paid off by saving me from a 10-mile detour.

Waiting for a train and sweating like crazy near downtown Rochester.

The Mayo Clinic. Here I am at one of the top medical facilities in the world and I'm healthy as a horse. What a waste.

On second thought, I went inside and considered having a doctor check out this case of Excessive Sweating Syndrome I came down with this afternoon.

Today's ride: 72 miles (116 km)
Total: 72 miles (116 km)

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