DAY SEVEN: To the Top of Greg-World

March 8, 2023

China to Nepal

A light snow was falling when I emerged from my tent this morning. I did not want to leave my cozy sleeping bag to face that kind of weather, but I did it anyway because I've been looking forward to this day more than any other day of my tour. It was destined to be a day of beautiful beauty, wonderful wonderment, challenging challenges, enormous accomplishments, incredible bravado, and intense braggadocio.

As you can imagine, I had a lot of major things to see and do today. There could be no sleeping-in, so I was packed up and ready to start riding by the early hour of 10:00 a.m. I climbed down from The Great Wall of China to start cycling, but then I realized I had forgotten the last slice of the frozen ~~cardboard~~ pizza that I had saved from yesterday's second breakfast. If I wanted a FIRST breakfast today, I had to go back and scale the wall to retrieve it.

That's me scaling The Great Wall of China . . . all for a slice of cardboard topped with a couple shreds of cheese and a handful of spoiled onion.

True, it wasn't a great start for my epic day but, once I got going, I was laser-focused on the Himalayan Mountain Range of Nepal and southern China. The goal of my laser-focus was the highest mountain in all of Greg-world--Mount Impossible. It's a couple hundred feet higher than Mount Everest, but all the elite mountain climbers ignore it because that mountain is way too hard for them to climb.

"No way," they say, "that's IMPOSSIBLE." That's why they all consider Mount Everest to be "The Top of the World." That's the mountain they're able to climb and take their pictures and congratulate themselves.

I'm not going to take the EASY climb. I'm a Tough Guy and one of the top imaginary adventurers in the universe. I'm going to be the first mountaineer ever to climb Mount Impossible, and I'm going to go one step further and climb the peak with no supplemental oxygen nor Sherpa support.

Oh yeah, one more thing: Just to make my accomplishment a little more significant, I plan to ride my bike to the summit. To my knowledge, nobody has even ridden his or her bike to lesser mountains like Everest or K-2. The Reckless Mr. Bing Bong and I are going all the way to the top of Mount Impossible.

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I took some freaky roads to Nepal. They were really bad, and when I reached the Himalayan foothills, I realized I was on my own. I saw a few yak-driven carts, but I did not see any other bicycle tourists at all.

Yet, I had a strange sense that somebody--or some THING--was stalking me. You guessed it, that THING was the Abominable Snowmonster.

The Abominible Snowmonster wasn't such a bad guy. He listened to my reasoning that he shouldn't kill me because that would be bad for his reputation, not to mention his Nepalese criminal record. After our conversation, he agreed to pose with The Reckless Mr. Bing Bong.

After that friendly encounter, the serious climbing began. My bike was up to the task at first but, despite my amazing pedaling power, when the snow got too deep he needed a little help. I summoned my inner Sherpa and threw him over my shoulder to help him get to the top of Mount Impossible. As every mountain climber worth his ice axe knows, the summit is the ultimate goal, and you never leave your buddy behind.

"He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother." -The Hollies

I climbed and climbed with my brother on my shoulder. I was tired, but I think I had enough calories left from that cardboard and cheese breakfast to make a final assault on the summit.

I'm not going to lie, it was a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very difficult climb, but we made it! We were at the highest point in all of Greg-world. Every bit of our struggles were totally worth it.

Like all mountaineers, we took pictures to prove we made it to the top. Otherwise, other mountaineers would question our accomplishment. That's how mountaineers are.

The first bike/biker team ever to summit Mount Impossible. (Save this picture for posterity.)

The Reckless Mr. Bing Bong gets his chance to shine at somewhere above 31,000 feet of elevation.

The local Sherpas string prayer flags all around the great mountain.

After the photo session, we were too exhausted to descend the mountain. Only a few feet below the summit, I once again utilized the igloo building skills I learned from my Inuit friends back in Alaska. I really and truly hope this will be the last time I have to do that.

Home for the night on the South flank of Mount Impossible.

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Scott AndersonImpossible!!
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1 year ago

Nancy GrahamPrayer flags are especially a good touch by the Sherpa’s, who must have some concern about you. Or at least worry for your sanity. Climbing The Wall took great effort and I applaud you.
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1 year ago

Gregory GarceauTo Nancy GrahamYes, I appreciated their concern. WAIT A MINUTE! My sanity? No worries there.
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1 year ago

Ron SuchanekTo Nancy GrahamI think Jeff had Greg sign a contract attesting to his sanity before posting on Cycleblaze.
https://youtu.be/BfSFi0ucZ6M
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1 year ago