Day Phnom 6: Take the Leap

January 26, 2024

Kampot to Phnom Penh (By Bus）

A must on my list was to jump off the high diving board. This replaced the scary waterslide of the hosts' previous venue I visited in the wet season of 2019.

But as soon as I walked up to the top, I started chickening out.

It wasn't that high, but the perspective standing there made it feel 10 times higher. Thankfully some other guests encouraged me and made a countdown. One of them, Aphelia said, "If you don't jump we're taking your phone." That technique was straight out of Atomic Habits. Make the consequences of not taking action worse than facing the action.

So I took the leap. I could tell from the video how scared I was at the top but once over the edge my body posture changed to make a flawless drop into the water. This felt incredible. They all cheered me on, and after a draft beer I went for a second jump. This time, no hesitation. The same guest who was going to hold my phone earlier said now, "You're already a winner man."

Then it was time to chat with the hosts some more and get ready to leave. I settled my tab then chilled out on the sofas.

At that time, I met Lynn who is half ethnically Khmer (mother is from Cambodia) and her Dad from England. She immediately reminded me of a friend who used to live in Shanghai with a similar background, half Filipino and German.

It turns out Lynn had been living in Kampot for over 25 years, very familiar with the place, and now getting ready to move to England. She invited me to a party that night that was going to be wild for only $10. Regretably I would have to pass on that since I had already arranged to meet my colleague flying into Phnom Penh. Even so, it was good to know there was a happening nightlife scene and I hadn't expected anything like this in Kampot. She said, "You know it's good here when I'm drinking a cider at 11am after a heavy night out last night."

So then more chats. After awhile, Patrick from Germany walked in. I figured what's the rush, I'll order two more drafts and then maybe will leave today or maybe not.

Patrick's story was the most fascinating. He was in his early 30s and had quit his job about a year ago to begin traveling indefinitely. He had some online businesses going as well as stock trading which really got my attention. He told me at first, "When I see all these kids traveling (Lynn used that term also), I figured I'm too old for this and started too late." I countered with, "Well I'm 46 and thinking of doing the same. The only time it's too late is when people wait until they retire."

He said, "This is 100% exactly right bro. But it's because they're afraid to leave their security. When they finally retire and start 'living the dream' they end up sitting around all day at the bars spending money on girls." This, sadly, is correct. I replied with "You got it. They don't do anything else. They get stuck in this rut and then it's too late to do any real adventures. The irony is that these old men sit around at the bars looking bored out of their skull. Try try to run away from the boredom of life in western countries and they end up finding it again when they don't have much of a structure or a plan to their lifestyle"

All it would take is a look around Pattaya to prove everything I just said.

Later on, however, a retiree I would meet there ended up helping change my perspective. He actually did put the time and effort to create some structure for his daily activities. He also found ways to keep the adventure going, so I was wrong in that waiting until retirement was a lost cause. At the same time, Patrick also had plans for his so-called wanderings, so he wasn't lost either.

Patrick explained that he had already lived in Cambodia for 6 months and was spending time here and there, just traveling where the travel took him. He had plans, eventually, to hit Thailand and then move to Indonesia.

He tried to encourage me by saying, "I saved up years to do this and then decided to take the leap when covid ended. My parents keep calling me and asking when I plan to come home. I don't have plans for that. They are worried I won't have any money saved up for retirement but I'm enjoying the life I want now."

I said, "That's quite amazing bro. The thing is very few people can do this because they're caught up in the rat race."

He agreed and said, "Yes and when you're in that routine you have neither the time nor the opportunities to challenge that thinking."

Then, like a lightbulb that switched on, I figured it out: the rat race is a routine and structure that other people impose on you against your will. The sheep who follow do so because they're afraid of the unknown. By charting your own course, you are then making your own plan and the difference is that you're in control of your destiny.

I said, "For sure. During the first week of my week of my trip it was painful because I was still living the rat race in my mind. It takes time for the decompression to work through my system, just like a diver emerging slowly from the underwater pressure. But now, here in Cambodia, I have a different perspective on the problem. There have been no solutions. That's not the point. It's that coming here provides you the space to think and see things that you can't otherwise see when trapped in the matrix"

He said, "Yes I can understand that. Look man, there is no easy way to start this kind of life. It wasn't easy for me. Don't try and copy my style, do what's best for you."

I completely agreed, after all conforming to a certain pattern of nonconformity goes against the spirit of what this is all about.

Patrick went on to say, "However you do this is on you, but I can offer my two cents here: it is pretty obvious from our chat that you are sick and tired of everything back home and also in China. I can see it. Look man, the world is your oyster. You can make a change, I believe in you bro. Whether it's coming here or whatever, you have so many options with your degree and experience, etc... With all the money you saved up, you could easily do a few months in Cambodia, maybe work at the bars, keep your trading going, do some online teaching, work at a guesthouse like this one temporarily, whatever man. Why not also look for teaching work in Phnom Penh, there are tons of schools."

The hosts perked up at that and said to me, "We'd sure like to have you on at the bar, we just fired some staff who were staring at their fucking phones the whole time. You actually talk to the guests and know a thing or two about how this place runs."

I thanked them for that but it wasn't quite happening now unfortunately. Still, the seeds were at least being planted. But then I got scared.

He must have sense that and ended with, "Take the leap. Maybe you didn't notice but I was there watching how you hesitated on the diving board. I then saw how you faced your fears and jumped off. You can do this man!"

Then I started doubting myself again. What he was saying was truth. I know I should act, but I can't. I'm scared shitless of the consequences. My brain wasn't stupid: on a factual level it was possible to overcome fear and jump off a board as that was proven. But my mind wasn't allowing this self-efficacy to extend to the belief that I had what it takes to solve the midlife crisis I find myself in. The mental battle was excruciating. Yet Patrick's words whispered in my ear that hope was actually a thing, not a faint light visible in a dark tunnel but the existence of hope itself.

It was at that point when I called it and decided to head back to Phnom Penh on the bus. I bid Patrick farewell and thanked him for his kind words. We both agreed this was an awesome conversation. Several people insisted on giving me a hug and seeing me off, and I said bye to all the other guests. Then I assembled my panniers on the bike, pet the kittens one more time, and cycled off to the bus station.

A van was leaving right away and I was on it. There was a bit of a shitshow with getting the bike on and it cost an extra $10 but so be it. Then once on the van, my body strongly disagreed with all the food as of late I felt a strong sense of food poisoning. Thankfully there was a fuel stop so I could hit the bathroom fast.

Maybe this was my body's way of clearing out all the toxins.

Then I fell asleep on the bus and woke up shortly before the destination. I re-assembled the bike and checked in again to M Residence.

And wouldn't you know it, guess who showed up just now outside the sports bar? Aphelia, one of the guests from the Hideaway I saw in the morning. He rode his scooter from Kampot and saw me typing up this blog. He is staying literally in the same building as me for the weekend.

Talk about a small world.

Rate this entry's writing	Heart	1
Comment on this entry	Comment	0