February 2, 2024
Day 6 Bike: Skills to Pay the Bills
Resort in middle of nowhere to Pattaya
An early start would be necessary and putting the hammer down to reach Pattaya on Friday afternoon, more specifically the Provincial Electricity Office. They had cut my meter once again. Knowing where the place was 10km north of town meant that it was on my route, or so I thought. I could plan a course accordingly.
The plan was to get up at 6am and smash this out. My body had other ideas and awoke at 7:30. Fair enough, I must have needed the rest. The resort was just too comfortable.
There was about 120km of walking distance on the menu but car driving distance was closer to 150km. Unfortuanately the GPS on Google Maps only gave those two options: drive or walk. No cycling option. This meant that if I had any chance of making the electricity office before 4:30 I was going to have to take every possible shortcut that I could and use the walking option. That being said, such option is notorious for taking you on remote dirt roads and I braced myself mentally for this.
The initial riding was sublime and beautiful. There were all sorts of quiet backroads and all manner of road types, but nothing too crazy. Highlights included jaw dropping temples in the middle of nowhere as well as a bunch of schoolgirls on a motorcycle saying "Sawadee ka" Guess how many other farang pass through here on a bicycle? I would venture to say zero.
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Some nice and pleasant stops were made at coffee shops and roadside stalls to replenish coke and bread, basically just short stops to fuel up since time was against me from the beginning.
The roads started to get hardcore as the GPS, true to form, took me on those Google Maps adventures. The highlight included the provincial border crossing from Chachoengsao to Chonburi and the transition was totally real. Once in Chonburi province, all of a sudden the roads turned to smooth and fast concrete. This was a big improvement, and then all of a sudden I realized: this was my home province!
Another roadside stall stop and I practiced my Thai. The older women there were astonished that I was riding to Pattaya on a bicycle. That was nothing though, I could see the look on their faces when I told them I had come from Cambodia. It was priceless. All they could say was "You're really strong" but they really meant to say I was mad.
On that note I learned most Thais refer to Cambodia as "Kam Pu Cha" which is more or less the same as the Khmer word. It goes to the original Sanskript "Kambuja" meaning the land of peace and prosperity. My best guess for why we call it 'Cambodia' in English is because the French translated it as 'Cambodge' and it was somehow lost in translation.
After this stop it was a convoluted mess of roads on all manner of surfaces to eventually get to the main motorway Route #331. Once there I knew exactly where I was from previous trips and it was a big milestone just to reach this far. If thie trip was going to Pattaya proper then it would be easy to reach by memory. Unfortunately I was going to the electricity office first which was further north.
If you're coming from Bangkok, not much of an issue to hit the electricity office first but it ended up being 10 times more complicated from the direction I was going in. This would later have disastrous effects.
After turning off the motorway, I was now in the 'dark side' of Pattaya which decided to conspire against me. The GPS kept putting me on sand tracks which I aborted once seeing the massive dark clouds and the fact it was going to be a huge storm. Sure it was going to pelt down rain. Yes I know it's the dry season but climate change has a mind of its own. I would rather be on the main road when it happened.
Then just like that, the rain ended and it was like it never happened.
More bad luck was to happen when the GPS kept sending me repeatedly on sand tracks against my will. Each sand track didn't last long, maybe a few hundred meters at a time, but it was completely unrideable. When you're balancing bags, a phone, and racing against time to pay an electricity bill you sweat like bullets and stop for nothing.
At one point these sand tracks converged to what appeared like a secret hideaway to where a bum was camping out. There was garbage and trash everywhere in his little home in the middle of nowhere. And then dozens of dogs started running after me.
I had been dodging dogs and them chasing me all fucking day but this was the climax. Now on a sand track, I was clearly at a disadvantage. Somehow, don't ask me how, I found the strength and agility to manage the bike upright and keep the momentum going to outrun the dogs on sand. There wasn't time for a breather after that because it was now 4:15pm and the electricity office closed in 15 minutes.
Finally I hit the main road that goes to Pattaya from Bangkok and knew exactly where I was. The phone decided to run out of power at that exact point and it didn't matter since I could find the electricity office by memory. Finally, I made it.
Unfortunately I was 5 minutes too late. The staff, thankfully, were very nice and said, "We're closed but you can use mobile phone payment to pay your bill." I told them, "Thanks but my phone isn't set up for that" In actual fact that is a mission to do next week at Krungsri Bank to get mobile banking and autopay working to solve this problem once and for all.
They told me, "You can hurry up and go to the ATM to take out cash and pay the bill, we will wait for you." I thanked them then ran outside in the heat. When I put my Thai bank card in the ATM, the son of a bitch wasn't working. The keypad simply didn't respond. I tried it three times and it was apparent that I wans't going to enter my PIN number any time soon. Bloody hell!
I then got out the bicycle and raced off in any direction I could think of to find an ATM. After about a kilometer, one finally worked. I withdrew the cash then raced back in to pay the bill. They said it's all good and the power would be in the condo tonight. I thanked them very much.
After a short breather at Amazon Cafe, I contacted my friend and told him the situation. I said, "I biked my ass off nearly 130km to pay this bill". Half jokingly, he said, "And you didn't come to see me?" I told him he was next and set off.
Words cannot describe the feeling of cycling down Pattaya beach road to mark the end of journey: I had made it!!
But the traffic was notoriously bad, much worse than I remembered from any other trip. Eventually I got to my friend's compound. He gave me the keys for the condo and I thanked him for safekeeping them. Unfortunately he was busy with company over, and I think we know what that means. But never mind, I'm here for a week. We'll catch up.
His compound conveniently happened to have many bars and I basically told him I'm gonna relax at the bar after such a long fucking day on the bike. That I did and found the spot where the boss Pamela ran the bar last trip, but she was nowhere to be found. Basically on a holiday with her boyfriend. No matter then, I met Neil from England and we got chatting. I could tell he was already many drinks in. He said, "You just arrived?" I said, "Yes, I rode a fucking bicycle a long distance today and I'm going to chill out here for awhile, this is the best place on planet earth" He said, "Yeah, Pattaya is that for sure." He had several bargirls waiting on him, but given my situation I was only going to have a large beer then bounce. With all my bags in tow, it wouldn't make sense to linger here with drinking. The mission was to get into my condo.
I knew the route to do so, and happened to stop off at a new bar along the way. This time I wanted food. They didn't have any, just drinks. An older guy from the US overheard this conversation and said, "There's good noodles across the street" and I went there. He followed and asked tons of questions about my bike trip since he's an avid cycle tourist himself. He was fascinated about my route since almost everyone does the route to Cambodia via Rayong and Chantaburi and the Pailin border. I told him, "I really didn't want to do that border, so I chose a more remote route over the hills"
Actually it turned out to be a good call since the standard Pailin route is full of group cycle tours. We started talking about that, and he had experience with both solo and group tours. He said whenever he tours with other people, they complain all the time that it's too hot, it's too far, or whatever. I totally got that and said "Yes!! When that happens it completely ruins the fucking trip. That's why I do solo tours. When you're riding with people like that, you'll be lucky to get 50km a day, if that."
He invited me for more beers but unfortunately I had to decline with the mission to get into the condo and I told him as such.
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I had no idea if I was going to get in or not actually. As a backup plan I asked three nearby hotels what the price was and they were all full. OK then, condo it is!! I managed to get in and survey the place. It was already smelling of mould and a few dead insects from six months ago. I sighed. This was not good.
But there was power, oh that sweet marvelous power.
Today's ride: 135 km (84 miles)
Total: 746 km (463 miles)
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