I will probably add the quiet and calmy worded "so, will you be calling the police or shall I?" to my arsenal of future tricks. Only for nice looking places where it's a non-confrontational front desk employee caught between the hard place of a manager on the phone saying "hell no, she can't stay here" and a Marian in front of her saying "wrong answer, try again", and only when I'm checking in at a time of day that I can't pull the "Congratulations! Owing to your inappropriate behavior, until I'm checked in, you have just won yourself the inability to do business with anyone else" card.

Adding to the many advantages of spending the night in a town rather than a county seat or an actual city, the police arrived relatively fast and immediately told me I needed to go somewhere else, somewhere with a 'license to accept foreigners'. With my plain black mask hiding my features enough in the dim late afternoon light of the hotel lobby that it ought to still be really obvious that I'm not Asian but somehow isn't, I didn't even give them the chance to tell me where this place was before spitting out as perfect an off-the-cuff threat as any of the ones I've ever rehearsed.

"According to a decision made by your State Council, beginning from National Day 2003, with the exception of restricted military areas, all Chinese government bodies at all levels are prohibited from enacting limitations on where foreigners may reside. If you would like to try to enact such a rule on me, you are free to do so, you will however regret it."

"Uhh, yeah, umm" the first cop stuttered, "just wait a minute, I need to call my supervisor" and they both walked out again.

With the exception of twice coming back into the lobby to very politely apologize for not having finished yet, they then stood outside, doing everything they possibly could to make it look like they were merely sucking down calming doses of nicotine and not actually avoiding looking at or being seen by me. Then, they let me know that they had spoken to the Exit and Entry Administration and, so long as the hotel's computer registration system had a foreigner option, I could of course stay here.

"Great, I'll register myself, then" I said, getting up to go behind the front desk.
With an amazing display of spine, the cop who hadn't gone behind the front desk to watch the hotel staff fumble their way through an unfamiliar system said: "That's a private area. You can't go back there."
"If I don't register myself, who will?"
"The hotel staff."
"You don't expect them to know how to register me, do you?"
"It's a private area. Not for members of the public."
"I'm a foreigner who knows about and mentions relevant parts of State Council policy. Do you really think I'm bullshitting you when I say I know how to use the registration system?"
"Oh."

And then I went behind the front desk and checked myself in.