D16: 万镇 → 白云山（双语）

October 6, 2024

Taken from high above and verrry zoomed in, two old men on an oxcart 从高处拍摄且镜头拉得非常近，坐在牛车上的两位老人。

Dr. M and I have a disagreement about an English language neologism. As someone from the UK, she obviously has more authority than I do, but I'm not quite sure.

Is the collective noun for the sort of Livestreamers who wander around in public an "embuggerance" or is a "twat" as in "one twit, two twats"?

我和M博士在一个英语新造词的问题上有分歧。作为英国人，她显然比我一个美国人更有话语权，但我还是不太确定。

对于那种在公共场所四处闲逛的直播者，其集体名词到底是“蟲” （embuggerance），还是“婊砸” （twat）”比如“一个蠢货” (twit)，“两个婊砸”呢？

As previously mentioned, the hotel we spent the night in is a wannabe bougie¹ boutique-type place in the yaodongs that used to host the local government offices. They're the constructed sort rather than the type where someone burrowed into a hillside but they've all got the single big window at the front and the arched interior ceiling/wall.

如前一一篇所述，我们昨晚住的酒店是一家伪高档¹精品酒店，坐落于曾是当地政府办公场所的窑洞里。这些窑洞是人工建造的，而不是那种人工在山坡上挖出来的。它们前面都有一扇大窗户，内部是拱形的天花板和墙壁。

Mocking Dr. M for saying that she never gets flat tires wasn't enough to dispel the curse² and, today, she got a flat on the new tube in the new tire. And, the new tube is so narrow, we can't get my patches to stick... 嘲笑M博士说她的车胎从来没瘪过，并没能驱散厄运²。今天，她新轮胎里的新内胎就瘪了。而且，这个新内胎太窄了，我的补胎贴片都粘不上去……

Luckily, we happened to see her old tire/tube in the tip on the way out of town and were able to patch that tube 幸运的是，我们在出村的路上，在垃圾罐里碰巧看到了她原来的轮胎和内胎，还能把那个内胎补好。

Our next attempt at improving our luck will involve a burnt offering³ 我们下一次转运的尝试将是进行一次祭献（烧点东西³）。

One row has been made into dining and cooking facilities, two are hotel rooms, and the other two have been made into a small museum on local revolutionary history.

I don't remember if the twats harassed us during the earliest round of coffee on the open terrace overlooking the village (and a large, unlovely bypass bridge). I know that by the time they came by to look at us in the private gardens shared by each pair of yaodong in our row (still obviously in pyjamas, still obviously ungroomed or ready to face the outside world) they needed to be firmly and repeatedly told off and told to go away.

一排窑洞被改造成了餐厅和烹饪设施，两排是酒店客房，另外两排被改造成了一个关于当地革命历史的小博物馆。

我不记得那些婊砸有没有在我们最初一轮在露天阳台上喝咖啡的已经骚扰我们了，那个阳台可以俯瞰村庄（还有一座又大又难看的绕行桥）。我只知道，当他们来到我们两个窑洞共用的私人花园来瞪我们的时候（我们还穿着睡衣，还没梳洗准备好），我们不得不一次又一次地严厉斥责他们，让他们走开。

Because, of course, a Revolutionary History Museum is the place you expect to find a three footed Han Dynasty⁴ pot. 因为，当然了，你肯定想不到在一个革命历史博物馆里能看到一个三脚的汉代⁴陶罐。

I don't think this phone still works 我觉得这部电话机好像不能用了。

Ignoring for a moment that both men in the diorama have identical hands⁵, the level of realism on these soldiers is mind blowing 先不说这个立体模型里的两个人物的手一模完整一样⁵，这些士兵的逼真程度真的是令人惊叹。

They also needed to be told not to follow us into or around the museum and that we weren't going to sing on camera (or at all) for them.

I'd had my usual⁶ morning oatmeal while we coffee'd but Dr. M's stomach was still in that place where nothing short of fluffy buttermilk pancakes drizzled with golden syrup and accompanied by clotted cream and fresh blueberries was going to make her want to eat before noon.

我们还得告诉他们，不要跟着我们进博物馆，也不要在博物馆里跟着我们转，而且我们不会对着他们的镜头（或者根本就不会）唱歌。

我们喝咖啡的时候，我像往常⁶一样吃了燕麦片当早餐，但M博士的胃还在闹脾气，除非有松软的煎饼，上面淋着金黄的糖浆，再配上凝脂奶油和新鲜的蓝莓，否则在中午之前她什么都不想吃。

As the person responsible for us doing far shorter distances than she's used to on her own, it was therefore my responsibility to make sure we had enough pannier snacks like mini chocolate bars and beef jerky.

因为我的原因，我们骑行的距离比她平时自己骑行的短很多，所以我有责任确保我们的驮包里有足够的零食，比如迷你巧克力棒和牛肉干。

I'm far too pleased with myself for noticing the Journey to the West theme before Dr. M did 我比M博士先注意到《西游记》的主题，为此我可太得意了。

But, unless it's a small winding thing that goes up a mountain, the idea of a road in China where you can go 20+km without seeing anywhere to eat is so alien to me that it just didn't occur to me.

但是，除非是那种蜿蜒上山的小路，否则在中国，骑行20多公里都看不到任何吃饭的地方，这种情况对我来说太少见了，我根本就没想到会这样。

Around 4pm, with nothing but the red dates that everyone kept offering us, we finally found a roadside village on the approach to Jia County. They were getting ready for a Temple Fair which meant that we should have had lots of fun distractions while also being the kind of distraction that people talk about for years (remember that time the touring cyclists⁷ came?).

Unfortunately, there was a twat of livestreamers with meter-and-a-half tall poles with frames for multiple phones at one time and they would not leave us the fuck alone.

大约下午4点的时候，除了大伙给我们的正在在收获的红枣以外，没别的吃的。终于在快到佳县的时候，在路边发现了一个村庄。他们正在为一场庙会做准备，这意味着我们本应该有很多有趣的事情可以消遣，同时我们也会成为人们会谈论很多年的新奇事物（还记得那次骑行的游客⁷来过的事儿吗？）。

不幸的是，有一群讨厌的直播者，他们拿着1.5米高的杆子，杆子上有可以同时放多部手机的架子，而且他们一直缠着我们不放。

I shouldn't laugh but that's one seriously goofy looking Qilin 我不该笑的，但是那只麒麟看起来真的太滑稽了。

The breaking point came when—having decided that foreigners eating lunch required extreme close-ups of the food entering their mouths in the exact same way that food enters the mouths of normal, non-foreign people—a dozen locals⁸ had pushed in to the livestreamer-created crowd to see what everyone was looking at.

You would think that picking up my bowl of noodles, turning my back to the crowd, and hunching over my food with one hand in front of my face would have seeped through the wall of ignorance and bad behavior but it only resulted in someone coming round the table to look at me from that side.

转折点出现在这样一个时刻——那群婊砸认为外国人吃食物进入他们嘴里的样子跟普通人吃食物进嘴的方式一模一样还需要特写镜头，于是当地人⁸挤进了直播者造就的越来越大的一群人，想看看大家在看什么。

你可能会觉得，我拿起我的那碗面条，背对着人群，弓着身子，一只手挡在脸前，这样的举动应该能让那些无知和无礼的人有所收敛，但结果却是有人绕过桌子，从另一边来看我、拍我。

Our first run in with the Temple Fair Livestreamers at least had them asking us to take our pictures⁹ 至少我们第一次遇到庙会直播者的时候，他们问我们可否合影⁹。

The red faced drunk guy was kind of rough with the people he wanted to have in the photo with us, but not so bad towards us 那个红脸的醉汉对他想拉来和我们一起合影的人有点粗鲁，但对我们还不算太过分。

Yes, I asked if I could take his photo 我问他我能不能给他拍照的。

Needless to say, we did not stay for the rest of the Temple Fair.

Ten kilometers later, having calmed ourselves with amusing obelisks¹⁰ and poorly written wall slogans about eradicating illiteracy, a restaurant owner asked if she could take a photo with us, and (after asking for permission) Dr. M got up and hugged her.

不用多说，我们没有留下来继续逛庙会。

十公里后，我们被有趣的方尖碑¹⁰和写得很糟糕的关于扫盲的墙上标语逗乐了，心情也平静了下来。这时，一家餐馆的老板问她能不能合影，（在征得我们同意后）M博士站起来拥抱了她。

Then, unless you count the part where I dropped my bike on myself¹¹, we had a nice, easy check in at a hotel just outside a large tourist site.

然后，除去我把自行车压在自己身上这件事¹¹，我们在一个大型旅游景点外的酒店顺利办理了入住手续，一切都很顺利。

Is it still a cenotaph if it isn't a grave? 如果一个地方不是坟墓，那它还能被称为衣冠冢吗？

Nothing quite like an "eradicate illiteracy" wall slogan with the equivalent of speeling errors 一条写着“扫盲”却有着类似拼写错误的墙上标语，没有什么能比这更好笑了。

¹ Given the hell† that I would have unleashed on the owner for the number of already broken or improperly‡ installed things, it's probably a really good thing that Dr. M picked up the bill for this set of rooms.

¹如果由我来付这几间房的费用，我肯定对酒店老板大发雷霆†因为房间里已经损坏或安装不当‡的东西，所以M博士付了房费可能真的是件好事。

† Taking into account our different countries of origin, we are roughly equivalent on the social class side of socioeconomic backgrounds. However, I grew up with a lot less money, and even if both of us will walk off in disgust over a 25y charger cable that becomes 35y when it's time to pay, I get a lot angrier than her over "quality" prices not equalling "quality" services.

†考虑到我们来自不同的国家，在社会经济背景，我们社会层次虽然大致相当，我小时候家境没她的那么富裕，而且即使我们俩都会因为一根原本标价25元，结账时却变成35元的充电线而气愤地离开，但对于“高质量”的价格却没有匹配“高质量”的服务这件事，我比她要愤怒得多。

One of the problems with spending time around Dr. M is that you suddenly find yourself noticing the quality of the rock face 和M博士相处的问题之一会是，你会突然开始注意到岩壁的质量。

Hunger is pretty much the only reason we stopped watching them quarry rock with insufficient safety gear 要不是因为饿了，我们可能还会一直看着他们在没有足够安全装备的情况下采石。

Nice square blocks, you can do things with rock that cuts that clean...这些石块方方正正的，切割得这么整齐的石头能派上用场……

‡ In addition to the already mentioned electric short in my shower, there was a motion-sensing gate alarm that verbally welcomed every puff of wind with a tinny "欢迎光临恭喜发财," and the combined lack of bathroom vents and S-traps in the drains when installing the wet rooms at the back of our caves meant that the sewer gas build up overnight was on the edge of "pass out and knock your head on the floor" levels of lethal.

‡除了前面提到的我淋浴间里的电路短路问题，还有一个感应式的大门警示器，只要有一丝风吹草动，它就会用尖细的声音说“欢迎光临恭喜发财”。而且，我们住的窑洞后面的浴室没有通风口，排水管道也没有S形存水弯，这就意味着到了晚上，下水道的沼气积聚得几乎能让人晕过去，脑袋撞到地板上，达到了致命的程度。

² I don't believe in curses or evil spirits or Tire Demons. However, that doesn't mean the Tire Demons don't believe in me. Besides which, it's not like ritual appeasement is particularly difficult.

² 我不相信诅咒、恶灵或轮胎恶魔。但这并不意味着轮胎恶魔不相信我。此外，安抚祂们的仪式也并不特别困难。

³ If I recall correctly, this Primal Wear jersey was bought in 2006. I've only recently lost enough weight for it to fit badly, it's a ¾ zip, and the seams are literally rotting.

³ 如果我没记错的话，这件Primal Wear品牌的骑行服是2006年买的。我最近刚瘦了一些，这件衣服穿起来还是有点紧了。它是四分之三拉链的，而且接缝处真的都快烂掉了。

⁴ 200 BCE to 200 CE, and the Expert† Opinion is that "stuff like this is super common around these parts"

⁴ 公元前200年到公元200年，而且专家†的见解是“这类东西在这一带非常常见”。

† Dr. M, of course

† 当然是M博士

⁵ Complete with the same half moons on their fingernails

⁵他们的手指甲上甚至都有一样的半月形白甲。

⁶ It's not only a good steady source of energy, it ensures that I have a crap while I've still got Known Quality toilets.

⁶ 燕麦片不仅是一种很好的、稳定的能量来源，而且还能确保我在能使用可靠的厕所的时候解决上大号的问题。

⁷ Bonus points for the touring cyclists being foreigners, but, even when it's not foreigners, the out of the way places I like to go will still tell me† about the time five years ago that they got some folks through on mountain bikes or the like.

骑行的游客是外国人的话会更有吸引力，但即使不是外国人，我喜欢去的那些偏远地方的人还是会跟我说†五年前有一些人骑着山地车之类的经过那里的事儿。

As the Yellow is not a navigable body of water, we're a little confused 因为黄河不是一条可通航的水域，所以我们有点困惑为什么会有这座灯塔。

However, our desire to be "not confused" lost out to our desire to "not climb up bluffs" 然而，我们不想“困惑”的想法，还是敌不过我们不想“爬上悬崖”的想法。

† Sometimes, they'll even manage—without the slightest degree of awareness that I'm me—tell me about me.

† 有时候，他们甚至会在完全没意识到我就是他们所说的那个人的情况下，跟我讲关于我的事儿。

⁸ It's possible, even likely, that the livestreamers were locals themselves, but they were younger and were therefore held to a different standard of behavior.

⁸ 很有可能，甚至可以说很肯定，那些直播者本身就是当地人，但他们更年轻，所以我们对他们的行为标准要求不一样。

⁹ For some reason though, even though the part of the village where we first saw them set up was about a kilometer (10 minute walk versus our 3 minutes biking?) from the area with the food and stuff, they decided to follow us.

⁹ 不知为何，我们首次见到他们搭建设备之处位于有庙会的食物区距离大概相隔一公里远（走路要10分钟，而我们骑车只要3分钟左右？），但他们还是决定跟着我们。

Our road has acquired traffic. We are not happy.骑行的路上车多了起来。我们可不高兴了。

¹⁰ Glory to the Roadbuilders!

¹⁰ 向修路工人致敬！

¹¹ With no obvious reason for why she picked me instead of Dr. M as the two of us took our bikes down the ramps to the left and right of the stairs, the Front Desk lady (who may have weighed as much as my bike) started by trying to be helpful with me. Then, after she had already acknowledged my warning and had mostly moved out of the way, I thought to show her what could have happened and pretended to wobble like someone losing control... at which point, I promptly tripped over my own feet and dropped the bike on myself.

¹¹当我们俩分别从楼梯左右两边的坡道把自行车推下来的时候，前台的女士（她的体重可能和我的自行车差不多）一开始是想帮我的忙，可她为什么选择帮我而不是M博士，原因并不知。然后，在她听到我的提醒后并且差不多让开之后，我想给她演示一下可能会发生什么情况，就假装像一个失去控制的人那样摇摇晃晃……结果，我就被自己的脚绊倒了，自行车也压在了我身上。

Today's ride: 42 km (26 miles)
Total: 988 km (614 miles)

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D16: 万镇 → 白云山 （双语）

D16: 万镇 → 白云山（双语）