D13: 五寨 → 府谷 (双语)

October 3, 2024

I, uh, may have mentioned a certain fondness for really poorly executed art. 我，呃，可能提到过自己会莫名地喜欢那些制作得非常糟糕的艺术作品。

Somewhere in the cacophony of hanger¹, arguments, yelling, stress responses², and us being downright insulting³ to both the uniformed and plainclothes officers that showed up, Dr. M remembered them saying that our next destination, the county town of Kelan, is also Closed.

The phone call which determines that Kelan is at least as "Closed" as Wuzhai⁴ will force us to turn north towards the town of Sanchai and the truck route, but it is hardly the morning's only phone call.

在一片混乱之中，有饥饿¹引发的烦躁、争吵、叫嚷、应激反应²，还有我们毫不客气地³应对警察，不管他们是身着制服还是便衣。M博士想起他们说过，我们的下一个目的地——岢岚县城，也处于封闭状态。

那个确定岢岚至少和五寨一样“封闭”⁴的电话，会迫使我们向北前往三岔镇，走卡车行驶的路线，但那天早上我们还接到了其它电话。

After they first patched me through to the Public Security Bureau for the wrong province (Shaanxi versus Shanxi), and then patched me through to someone with the right province but who had no idea what I was talking about when I said "Closed County⁵," the National Immigration Administration hotline turns out to be kind of useless.

在他们先是把我误接到了另一个省（陕西而非山西）的公安局，然后又把我转接给了一个虽然是对的省份但我一提到“封闭县⁵”就一头雾水的人之后，国家移民管理局的热线电话真没什么用。

A pagoda in Wuzhai. Having promised Public Security that we would leave the county before tonight, it's too recently and nicely built/rebuilt for us to want to do more than grab a photo from the outside.五寨的一座宝塔。我们已经向公安承诺会在今晚之前离开这个县，所以这座宝塔建得或重建得太新太漂亮了，我们只想在外面拍张照，不想再多做停留。

I do not have enough pictures of me riding 因为我一般是自己一个人我的自己骑车的照片非常少。

Or of me taking Emergency Work Breaks 也没很多我停下来紧急处理工作的照片。

"12345," the general municipal services complaint line is better. At least, they are able to get us through to a county-level official who confirms that they definitely believe themselves to be "Closed," that they're really sure documents (which they can't show us) that prove their "Closed" status exist, and that it's perfectly normal to allow foreigners into an area while also preventing them from staying in that area overnight⁶.

Also according to him—despite them having things like vans and pick-up⁷ trucks with which to quickly and easily remove us from their jurisdiction—it's also perfectly normal as an honest to goodness actually restricted access Closed County to let us continue biking through their county without so much as setting a single car to do a comically bad job of tailing us from 300m back⁸.

“12345”，通用的市政服务投诉热线要好一些。至少，他们能帮我们联系上一位县级官员，这位官员确认他们认为他们的县处于“封闭”状态，他们非常确定有证明其“封闭”状态的文件（但他们无法给我们看），而且在允许外国人进入一个地区的同时又不让他们在该地区过夜，对他来说完全是正常的情况⁶。

据他所说——尽管他们有面包车和皮卡之类的车辆⁷，可以迅速、轻松地把我们送出他们的辖区——但作为一个真正受限制的封闭县，任由我们继续骑车穿过他们的县，甚至都不派一辆车在300米开外可笑地跟踪我们⁸，这也是完全正常的。

A photo of a spray painted sign "by the way, you shouldn't go down this road" is as close as I'm willing to get to photographs of Places I Know I Shouldn't Be 喷绘字样写着“顺便说一下，你不应该走这条路”，这是我愿意拍摄的与那些我明明知道不该去的地方最接近的照片了。

At first we thought he was Really Friendly. Then, we realized he was really really drunk.一开始我们觉得他真的很友好。然后，我们意识到他酩酊大醉。

Between breakfast and the phone calls and lots of apologizing to the hotel owners that they had done nothing wrong, we also get a visit from a plainclothes woman with the Exit and Entry Administration. She must not have watched any of the previous night's bodycam footage, as she clearly wasn't expecting us to be lecturing her.

Seeming to think that she had the right to interrupt us and ask us questions, she was also stunned by: "Did I give you permission to speak? You will get a chance to ask me questions only after I am done determining to what extent you are failing to follow your own laws," and "if you want to take video of us on a personal device, you have to ask first," and she left quite soon after arrival⁹.

在吃早餐、打电话以及不断向酒店老板道歉（他们并没有做错任何事）的间隙，出入境管理部门的一位便衣女士也来拜访了我们。她肯定没有看过前一晚的任何执法记录仪视频，因为她显然没想到我们会教训她。

她似乎认为自己有权打断我们并向我们提问，当听到“我允许你说话了吗？只有在我确定你方有多么不符国法之后，你才有机会向我提问”以及“如果你想用个人手机拍摄我们，你得先征得同意”这些话时，她也惊呆了，没过多久她就离开了⁹。

At least with all this going on we don't need to find something to occupy us while the world warms up to biking temperatures.

Notwithstanding the Obvious Military Facilities¹⁰ which we're not dumb enough to linger near or take photos of even when they are located opposite a particularly interesting historic hill fort, the road up to Sanchai is a truly lovely ride.

至少在这一切发生的时候，我们不需要在等待天气暖和到适合骑车的温度时找事情来打发时间了。

尽管有一些明显的军事设施¹⁰，我们还没蠢到会在附近逗留，甚至即使这些设施位于一座特别有趣的历史山丘堡垒对面，我们也不会拍照。前往三岔的路骑行起来真的很惬意。

Interesting pagoda decoration in the center of local rooves 当地屋顶上有意思的宝塔装饰。

Looks very similar to the pagodas found in Tang Dynasty grave goods 看起来和唐代陪葬品中的宝塔非常相似。

A National Road of the sort old enough to be lined with mature trees and unimportant enough in traffic terms to have never been expanded beyond a couple of generous lanes and some big hard shoulders, our route north runs down the center of a broad crop-filled valley where the arrival of a "moderately prosperous society in all respects" has been gentle enough to preserve a substantial amount of 19th and 20th century architecture and construction habits.

The truck infestation starts at Sanchai with an east west corridor that's not that much wider than what we've just been riding on but is occupied by about 1000× as many vehicles (or at least 1000× the gross vehicle weight).

我们向北骑行的路线是一条国道，它年代够久，两旁种着高大的树木，就交通而言，这条国道也没那么重要，所以一直没有拓宽，只有几条宽敞的车道和一些宽阔的硬路肩。我们的路线沿着一个宽阔的种满庄稼的山谷中间延伸，在这里，由于“全面建成小康社会”渐渐地进程不急，保留了大量19世纪和20世纪的建筑和建筑风格。

从三岔开始，卡车泛滥成灾，东西走向的道路并不比我们刚刚骑行过的路宽多少，但上面行驶的车辆数量（或者至少车辆总重量）大概是之前的1000倍。

We know we can't ride this. Attempts at hitchhiking will, however, result in the discovery that none of the trucks think this is a Place to stop and refuel; that the vehicles on the Huolala cargo service app aren't interested in picking us up to take us 60km west; and that most of the scheduled coaches either don't run that way or only run that way once a day, in the morning.

我们知道我们没法在这条路上骑车。然而，尝试搭便车的结果是，我们发现没有一辆卡车认为这里是可以停下来加油的地方；货拉拉货运服务应用上的车辆也不愿意载我们往西走60公里；而且大多数定时运营的长途客车要么不走那条路，要么每天只在早上走一趟。

I'll give you three guesses (and the first two don't count) as to what they grow around here 我让你猜三次（前两次不算数）这里种的是什么。

Sanchai Town is still in Wuzhai County, and even if Wuzhai is going to be hearing a lot more from us in the near future, we have to at least make a visible effort to try to follow the order to leave.

Just as farm trucks and cargo vehicles can get in trouble for having passengers outside the cab, passenger vehicles aren't supposed to let any kind of large luggage or cargo into the passenger compartment. So, given that both the vans (farther than they want to go) and the taxis (too small for two bicycles) won't drive us, it's entirely possible that the scheduled coach (who only has room for only one bike in his undercarriage luggage compartment) would not have agreed to let us on if it weren't for the boys in blue showing up shortly before he did.

三岔镇仍然在五寨县境内，即使在不久的将来五寨还会听到我们更多的消息，但我们至少得做出明显的努力，去遵守离开的命令。

如果农用卡车和货运车辆让乘客坐在驾驶室外，就会从交警惹上麻烦，同样，客运车辆也不应该让任何大型行李或货物进入乘客车厢。所以，鉴于面包车（不愿意去那么远的地方）和出租车（太小，装不下两辆自行车）都不愿意载我们，如果不是在长途客车来前不久警察出现了，那辆定时运营的长途客车（它的车厢底部行李舱只够放一辆自行车）很可能也不会让我们上车。

I kind of wish that they'd shown up later rather than earlier as, separate from my favorite "taxi" service not charging for the privilege, a police SUV would have taken us on the substantially less terrifying expressway as well as providing plenty of opportunity to dig for information.

我有点希望警察能晚点出现，因为除了我最喜欢的特殊“的士”服务不会收费之外，一辆警用SUV不仅会带我们走没那么可怕的高速公路，还会提供很多获取信息的机会。

Trying to get a picture of some 19th century constructed yaodong in the center of a grouping of rural houses 试图拍摄一组乡村房屋中一些建于19世纪的窑洞。

But, showing up when they did at least confirmed that, even at their level of bumfuck nowheresville, they also think Wuzhai County is Closed to foreigners.

但是，他们在那个时候出现至少证实了，即使在他们所在的这个偏远得不能再偏远的地方，他们也认为五寨县对外国人是封闭的。

¹ That's the past tense of hangry, right?

¹ “hangry”（饥饿时易怒的）的过去式是“hanger”(衣架），对吧？

² I over ordered more delivery food than either of us would normally be able to finish. M found herself completely unable to eat at all.

² 我点的外卖比我们俩平时的饭量都多。M博士根本吃不下。

³ When you phrase "I'm going to report you" as "either you are failing to follow central government directives regarding not telling foreigners or hotel industry operators that hotels don't have the qualifications to host them or you are failing to follow the most basic regulations for secure areas and our presence here indicates a level of dereliction of duty which I am obligated to report" the smelly, dusty cyclists in the weird clothing are suddenly a lot more trouble than they were five minutes earlier.

³ 当你把“我要举报你”说成“要么是你们没有遵守中央政府关于不向外国人和酒店行业经营者说酒店没有接待他们的资质的指示，要么是你们没有遵守安全区域最基本的规定，而我们出现在这里表明了失职，我有义务进行举报”时，穿着奇装异服、浑身散发着臭味、满身尘土的骑行者们一下子就比五分钟前更难对付了。

After taking a moment to confirm that there didn't appear to be any antennas or other military-shaped things nearby, this Great Wall Beacon Tower needed to be inspected 在花了点时间确认附近似乎没有天线或其他军事设施后，我们要看看这座长城烽火台。

Don't you love when the info sign is on the wrong side of the barbed wire? 当信息牌在铁丝网的另一边时，你难道不觉得很无奈吗？

⁴ Even if one of the cops showed us photos on his phone of the family with kids who were "much more reasonable about listening" to total bullshit than either of us when the police came to their hotel at 9pm and made them leave a few months ago, the limited amount of research I've done online about Wuzhai seems to indicate that their Closed status is so top-secret the county tourism board forgot to tell the English-language booking platforms not to list or sell local hotels and attractions.

⁴即使有一个警察给我们看了他手机里的照片，照片上是一家带着孩子的人，几个月前警察晚上9点到他们住的酒店让他们离开时，他们比我们俩都“更听劝，对那些完全是胡说八道的话也没那么抵触”，但我在网上对五寨做的有限调查似乎表明，五寨的封闭状态是如此机密，以至于县旅游局都忘了告诉英语预订平台不要列出当地的酒店和景点。

⁵ Was I using the wrong vocabulary word? Or, is the provincial level office that a foreigner would apply to for permission to enter a Closed County unaware that there are counties in their province which are claiming to be Closed?

⁵ 是我用错了词吗？还是说，二三十年前负责外国人申请进入封闭县的省级部门却不知道他们省现在还有一些县声称自己处于封闭状态？

When a Mommy Truck and a Daddy Truck love each other very much .... 当一辆“妈妈卡车”和一辆“爸爸卡车”非常相爱时……

Presumably, he knows the rail schedule 放牧人大概知道火车时刻表吧。

⁶ This is because the only people who engage in espionage are foreigners (who look foreign) and the only time it is possible to engage in espionage is at night†.

⁶这是因为，从事间谍活动的人只有看起来像外国人的那种外国人（黄种不会），而且从事间谍活动的唯一时间是在晚上†。

† The sun had not yet set when we biked past the military airport that looked exactly like every other military airport I've ever not taken photos of while biking past in the daytime.

† 我们骑车经过那个军用机场时太阳还没下山，那机场看起来和我以前在白天骑车经过时没拍过照的其他所有军用机场一模一样。

⁷ Bearing in mind that—other than the List published by the Qinghai PSB and distributed round to all the hotels and hostels in Xining†—Closed Counties mostly don't go out of their way to actively list their status, when Snowflake and I were heading in the direction of one in 2016, we didn't even make it across the county line on account of the police waiting for us at the intersection with a pick-up truck that 'mysteriously' already had sufficient bungee cord tie downs for two bikes.

⁷ 要知道——除了青海省公安局公布并分发给西宁所有酒店和旅社的那份名单†——封闭县大多不会特意主动公布它们的封闭状态。2016年，当“雪花”和我朝着一个封闭县的方向前进时，我们甚至都没能越过县界，因为警察在路口等着我们，开着一辆皮卡，还“神秘地”已经有足够多的弹力绳用来固定两辆自行车。

Approaching the Big Truck Road 接近大卡车行驶的道路。

It was also about this time that the paving went to shit 大概也是在这个时候，路面状况变得糟糕起来。

Sanzhai's Finest reporting up the line that there are foreigners wandering around town 三岔民警向上汇报说有外国人在镇上闲逛。

† I'm reasonably certain that this has less to do with the number of Closed Counties in Qinghai, the amount of self-guided tourism in Qinghai, or the periodically changeable nature of Qinghai's List, than it does with the relevant departments realizing that many of the foreigners who need removing from someplace they didn't realize they weren't supposed to be are prone to being an absolute pain in the ass about it.

† 我相当确定，与其说这是因为青海省的封闭县数量、当地自助游的规模或青海省名单时不时会有变动，不如说有关部门早就意识到：那些需要被"请"出本不该进入区域的外国人——他们往往直到被驱逐才意识到自己越界了——大多都是些难缠的主儿。

⁸ I've had the police waiting at the county line to confirm that I had left the jurisdiction (Hebei 2012), I've also been noticeably tailed before (Guizhou 2020 and Gansu 2021). Nothing about those situations even holds a candle to the sensitivity of "theoretically being inside a restricted military area" and yet, here we were, being told that we were totes for real in a restricted military area, and they couldn't be bothered to see where we were going or what we were doing.

⁸ 我遇到过警察在县界等着确认我已经离开他们的辖区（2012 年在河北），我之前也被明显跟踪过（2020 年在贵州和 2021 年在甘肃）。那些情况和 “理论上处于军事禁区内” 的敏感性相比根本不值一提，然而，我们当时就在那里，被告知我们确实在一个军事禁区内，而他们却懒得看我们要去哪里或者在做什么。

Handicapped bathroom in the Fugu Bus Station 府谷汽车站的无障碍卫生间

⁹ And by "quite soon" I literally mean less than five minutes from knocking on the door to stomping off in a huff.

⁹我说的 “没多久”，确切地说，是从敲门到气呼呼地跺脚离开，还不到五分钟。

¹⁰ Didn't check the other maps, but all of them were sufficiently marked on Open Topo Maps that we can easily avoid them.

¹⁰没有查看其他地图，但在 “公开的地形地图” 上，所有这些军事设施都标注得很清楚，我们可以很容易地避开它们。

Do we look like the sort of people other customers should be trying to order food from? Cause two different customers tried... 我们看起来像是需要其他顾客帮忙点餐的那种人吗？两个不同的人都试试。

Today's ride: 43 km (27 miles)
Total: 802 km (498 miles)

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