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They were calling from a Baoding number. I suspected, even before I picked it up, that it was not going to be a random spam call. It was possible, but unlikely. 

来电显示是保定的号码。还没接起来，我就猜到，这大概率不是那种随便打来的骚扰电话。虽说也有这种可能，但可能性不大。

Random spam calls come from phone numbers all over the country, but all but one night of my time in Hebei was in Baoding; I had called emergency services from this phone; and I had a video going viral that, even judiciously edited, pretty clearly showed willful ignorance on the part of the police as the source of my problem.

骚扰电话通常来自全国各地，但我在河北期间，除了一晚，其余时间都待在保定；我还用这个手机打过110；而且我有个视频火了，即便经过精心剪辑，也能明显看出警察方面的故意不作为正是我遇到的麻烦的原因。

While I was still reeling from the verbal apology and not actually believing that they were going to cross provincial borders to apologize to me in person, Officer Zhang of the Laiyuan County Public Security Bureau had added me on WeChat to get my location pin.

我还沉浸在电话里的口头道歉中，压根不敢相信他们会大老远亲自来向我道歉，就在这时，涞源县公安局的张警官加了我微信，要我的定位。

Halfway between incredulous and impressed that it took me 3 days of travel for what's not quite 3 hours by car, I don't think I really believed they were coming until they showed up.

With flowers.

开车不到三小时的路程，我骑车却花了三天，对此我半信半疑，又有些惊讶。在他们现身之前，我都不太相信他们真的会来。

还带着花。

Officer Zhang, two people from the police station, and the manager of the original hotel I'd booked in at in Laiyuan. All standing outside my hotel with me in a move that I realized after the fact was intentionally done to ensure that there were no records or CCTV of us meeting. They even asked a guy who was "just going to take a picture of the foreigner existing" to please not do that.

Ninety minutes of standing outside my hotel. 

张警官和两名警局人员，还有我当初在涞源预订的那家酒店的经理。他们都站在我这次住的酒店外面，后来我才意识到，选在这儿见面是有意为之，就是为了确保没有我们会面的记录，也避开监控摄像头。他们甚至还让一个“只是想拍张外国人照片”的家伙别拍了。

在酒店外面站着聊了九十分钟。

Ninety minutes of increasingly firm hints that they were willing to sponsor my travel expenses if I could just do them a little favor .... 

这期间，他们的暗示越来越直白，意思是要是我能帮他们个小忙，他们愿意资助我的旅费……

Ninety minutes of not listening to me explain that, from the perspective of a non-journalist¹ who mostly works for Chinese media, the worst possible thing to do if they want this to go away was to ask me to delete it and that there were dozens of available options in the form of follow-up videos that could make this gradually fade away ... and, with my arms getting really tired from holding that giant fucking bouquet of flowers and my hands unable to do anything because of that giant fucking bouquet of flowers, someone shoved a large roll of bills in my jersey pocket.

这期间，他们也根本不听我解释，作为一个主要为中国媒体工作的非记者人士¹，我想说，如果他们想让这事平息下去，最糟糕的做法就是让我删视频。其实有很多后续的处理方式能让这事慢慢淡去……我捧着那一大束该死的花，胳膊累得不行，手也被花束弄得啥都干不了，就在这时，有人往我上衣口袋里塞了一大卷钞票。

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I suspect it was the hotel manager. 

I don't think it was his idea or his money but I have lots of reasons for suspecting him including: 1) as a legacy from the years when pickpockets were common², generally being Very Aware of what's going on with my jersey pockets; 2) the police and Public Security damn well know they shouldn't be paying a member of the public to take down an unflattering video; 3) his paying me giving them plausible deniability; and 4) Officer Zhang pointing the finger at him the next day when I messaged her asking how to return the cash I found in my pocket. 

我怀疑是酒店经理塞的。

我觉得这不是他的主意，钱也不是他出的，但我有理由怀疑他：1）过去小偷小摸盛行的那些年留下的习惯²，我向来很留意自己上衣口袋的动静；2）警察和公安部门心里很清楚，他们不该花钱让民众删掉一段对他们不利的视频；3）他来付钱能给他们留下推诿的借口；4）第二天我发消息问张警官，该怎么归还这笔钱时，她把矛头指向了他。

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The video was set to private for all of about 14 hours on Douyin⁴, three hours on WeChat Channels⁵, during which time two of the larger "all things foreigner" clickbait aggregators⁶ posted articles with versions they had ripped of it.

这个视频在抖音⁴上设为私密状态大概14个小时，在微信视频号⁵上设为私密3个小时，就在这段时间里，两个比较大的“老外那些事儿”类吸引眼球的聚合网站⁶发布了盗用这个视频内容的文章。

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¹ It's really important that I'm not a journalist. Journalists have restrictions that I don't.

¹我不是记者，这一点真的很重要。记者有诸多限制，我没有。

² Chinese petty crime has mostly all moved online.

²中国的轻微犯罪大多已转移到线上。

³ Thanks so much for driving multiple hours outside your jurisdiction to meet with me. If you could tell me who this money belongs to, I would like to return it to him. Otherwise, I will donate it to Hainan SPCA for expenses incurred rebuilding the animal shelter after Typhoon Yagi.

³简单的来说“你到底有什么毛病给我这笔钱？你们跨辖区开车好几个小时来和我见面都有我的微信记录。我多么容易给上级投诉，你知道吗？要是不告诉我这笔钱怎么还回去，我就捐给海南动物保护协会。”

⁴ I set it to private in front of them and didn't undo this until the next afternoon

⁴我当着他们的面把视频设为私密，直到第二天下午才取消。

⁵ I gave someone else admin access to my Channel and I couldn't do anything in front of them 

⁵我给了其他人视频号的管理员权限，所以在他们面前我啥也做不了。

⁶ OneTube Daily and The Waijiao. Neither of which contacted me to use my content, both of which decided my Chinese name is "Fanyi," and with The Waijiao also ripping and machine translating most of last year's Xinhua article on me.

⁶ “OneTube Daily”和“The Waijiao”。这两家都没联系我就用了我的视频，还都把我的中文名写成“凡一”，“The Waijiao”还截取、机翻了去年新华社关于我的大部分文章。