TOURING HISTORY

He hasn't toured in Europe,
He hasn't biked in Asia,
All the places he's never been,
Would certainly amaze ya.

He never ventures anywhere, 
'cept the land he's from,
He's just an unremarkable
American touring bum.

TOURING STYLE

He's carefree and impulsive.
That much everyone knows.
He just tries to keep it simple,
And have fun wherever he goes.

He doesn't spend much money,
He takes things as they come,
His planning is atrocious,
He's a Midwestern touring bum.

CHARACTER TRAITS

Naive and unsophisticated,
No culture and no class,
He's just a typically backward
Midwestern touring ass.

A pedaling contradiction,
Well read, yet pretty dumb.
Sociable, yet a happy loner,
He's a Midwestern touring bum.

ON JOURNALING

He likes to write about his trips,
But he isn't very serious,
His posts are full of half-baked jokes,
Some say he seems delirious.

No doubt he brags too much,
He's egomaniacally numb,
Would you expect anything less from
A Midwestern touring bum.

PACKING LIST

What's in those panniers of his?
The dude is much too vague.
He rarely gives a glimpse of
What's in his saddle bags.

It's not hi-tech touring stuff,
There's nothing very unique,
It's just the basic touring gear,
Of a Midwestern touring freak.

THE ROUTE

He's up to his old tricks again,
Such an unspectacular route,
He seems to relish riding in
Places no one cares about.

He thinks he's found a noble cause,
The concept of keeping it local,
But really it proves to one and all,
He's a Midwestern touring yokel.

It's but a wedge-shaped chunk of
The Land of Beer and Cheese,
Of Badgers, Brewers & Packers,
Of hills and farms and trees.

A tour of southwest Wisconsin,
Could be lame and boring and glum,
I'm afraid that's all you'll get from,
That Middle American bum.

Heart

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