Day T8: Energy Coming Back

August 14, 2024

After a very successful night out last night, I was starting to feel the energy coming back. It was time for the 4th out of 5th counseling appoinment today and I wanted to piggyback off all the learning from the enterpeneurs.

The general summary of what the people I'm meeting live by is something like, "I observe 99% of people thinking or doing X, this isn't what I agree with so I choose a different path."

Whether it's the guy running a carwash by himself in Minburi, the couple running a remote guesthouse in Armenia, or the lead fitness coach in Dubai who pours her entire life savings to restart the business, they all have the same general spirit and mentality. They look at what the 99% of people are doing in the rat race and basically say it's not worth it. So if they can succeed, then there is every reason I can too.

Another thing is that the 1% of people are making 1% daily incremental progress. That is how it compounds. As the author of Atomic Habits explains perfectly well, if you do one thing better daily, then it compounds to a 37-fold increase after a year. The best example I can think of is spending a mere ten minutes a day doing the budget. Hacking at that thing day in and day out will transform you into a financial guru. Then people would wonder how a poor teacher could be so rich to travel the world like this.

I know how hard it is to make a change and to get out of this. The 1% of people who are doing this are those who want to make the effort. It is those who don't know and don't care that have truly lost all hope and meaning. It is truly like crabs in a bucket mentality. When you make the effort to crawl out, you can be sure they'll try to bring you back down.

So as I walked into the counselor office I wanted to talk about the general principles that the entrepreuners I met last night follow to be successful. Turns out I didn't really need to say that. He opened the discussion with what I did last night. I explained about the social event and he said, "Seems you're a pretty social guy. Good on you for that. What did you get out of the event?"

I talked about some of the people I met and then told him, "It turns out this is exactly the topic I wanted to talk about with you today anyway. That is, basically, how can I distill some principles from these guys to apply what they do and take more risks to move on from the situation I find myself in?"

He said, "Well for starters here is a principle. It may sound like a strange one, but bear with me. Maybe you noticed and it felt like the guy running the car wash came off as arrogant when he went on to talk nonstop about his business then asked at the end 'So what do you do?' like you were a mere peasant or something? Or no?"

I said "Actually it was entertaining. I admired his resolve and he hooked me at the beginning when he sold everything and bought a one way ticket to Bangkok."

He said, "Well good, but here's why he talked like that. I know exactly why he said all that. I'm also an entrepreneur. I know many many expats in Bangkok who also run businesses. It's excellent that you went to that event and met a few of them. You got a sense of what they do and why they do it. This guy talked to you like that because I am 100% certain that people back home tried to talk him out of his idea. They wanted him to fail. This guy you met had the mentality that he didn't give a shit what others thought. He decided that this is what he wanted to do. If the haters talked shit to him, then he realized it was their problem, not his. A lot of entrepreneurs have this mentality, and it is almost like a righteous indignation. They believe they are answerable to nobody you see. That is why they won't tolerate others talking them down. It is basically like an entrance requirement, combined with the tenacity to stick through what they do."

He went on to say, "Here's the thing. There are people who will most certainly try to talk you out of what you do. They want you to fail. If you're a people pleaser, you know what? Consciously or not, you'll find a way to fail in order to please them."

This truth bomb was like a nuclear explosion. I said, "This is completely irrational! Why would anyone do this, both the people actively wanting you to fail and the people pleasers who would choose to fail in order to manifest that will by the haters?"

He said, "I don't know, you tell me."

I said, "Well I'm just beginning to understand this principle. It does after all make a lot of sense even though it's irrational. I guess maybe in my case this does apply."

He said, "Look at it this way. The reason why entrepeneurs are so successful in Bangkok is they come in with this attitude. They don't give a shit. They are not people pleasers. If you find one who is, let me know, they won't last long. As well, they have the advantage over Thai people to stick with the business. You know that most Thais will open a coffee shop, yes ANOTHER one of those, and it closes in a few months? It's because they haven't calculated how many coffees to sell to cover the rent. Basic stuff like this they don't think through. They will also frequently quit jobs if they lose face with the boss and feel insulted, even over nothing. After all they live with their parents mostly. They get free food. They have nothing to lose and will just not show up for work. We entrepreneuers don't have this luxury. We have to take responsibility for ourselves. But that is where we also have the advantage."

All this reminded me of a Chinese proverb: To open a shop is easy, to keep it open is an art.

Obviously not all Thai people are like what he said. The woman running the social events business had the tenacity to keep it going. She wasn't about to quit. But sadly, most Thais are exactly like his description. It would fully explain all the bullshit with my condo which eventually drove me to sell it. The door was revolving so fast with the Thai mismanagement team and the cheating losers that I could barely keep up.

He went on to say, "So in your case, whatever it is you do it doesn't entirely matter. You could start tutoring businesses in Bangkok if you wanted, maybe open a gym franchise, maybe jobs in the Middle East, something in Dubai, whatever. Maybe 6 months to a year off to figure things out. You have options, just like that guy from the Marines you met. That's probably why you got along with him so well. Honestly it really doesn't matter what you do, but you need to leave China. You've told me many times how much you hate it there and I can see it. You're definitely not the only expat who left or is thinking about it. Make a plan, make an ultimatum, follow it through, stick with it. Most importantly, draw on the principle we discussed. People are guaranteed to talk you out of this and see you fail, to remain in this prison for years. You need to be like those guys you met and put a stop to that. Aren't you tired of it? Obviously I'm not saying do everything all at once. Make incremental progress to push back against people pleasing in the same way as fighting procrastination. You can clearly see how both of those interconnected beliefs are no longer serving you."

He was wrapping it up with, "As much as I enjoy talking to you and appreciate the business, I am here for my clients first and foremost. I know for sure you'll recommend others to me, as that's primarily how this business works, it's word of mouth. So I'm not worried about the business at all. What I really want to see if we meet next time is updates from the action that you took. As I said earlier, I can bet money on this. Heck, I'll bet my entire business on the line that if you keep on doing what you've always done in the past, you'll come back to me next year with the exact same conversation and nothing will have changed. You even said yourself that all this talk is great but without action it is pointless. So you know what to do."

He ended with, "You need more agency in your life. I can see you want that too."

I said, "Agency?"

He said, "Yes, more or less taking charge. That's the main thing we've discussed all four visits now. I think you're starting to get the idea. After all you've got the finances down solid. The main things now to dial down on are the procrastination and the people pleasing, that is to get creative to knock those beliefs out, and replace with something better."

This guy was clearly a well trained expert. Much of what he said was in alignment with what the Russian life coach said in Dubai. It made me realize that the sessions with her also made for an excellent investment and her advice was valuable too. This was despite how I backpedaled on what she said by abandoning the job offer. I can't help but wonder, what are the costs of that backpedal? If things go extremely badly in the next few months, will I regret not going for the touchdown and fumbling a second chance when the ball was literally right in my hands?

There was no way to answer that question except for time would tell.

Meanwhile the next immediate thing was another fitness class. This one felt like death. In reality it wasn't that bad, but my body was still not conditioned to the high intensity cardio and strength that was quite different from the endurance sessions done previously. Still, afterwards I felt amazing and was glad to have done it. I could feel the energy bouncing back quickly.

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