While going through social media throwback videos, one came up from 2016 of the legendary Shanghai partying 

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It was soon time to head out in a taxi for another session with my current life coach.  The focus would be on finding a way to reclaim broken dreams.

While typing 'things to do in Dubai' a yacht party came up for unlimited drinks and DJ for only 250 dirhams.  I figured this would be much better than the nightclubs (although I would still attempt one tonight) and certainly a way to reclaim those memories.  It's not about reliving the past.  We can't.  This trip is about seeing what the future holds.  Still it's a way to reclaim what was lost.

So in the boiling heat I walked over the shopping mall and tried to get a taxi on the way to my counselor / coach.  This time it was peak hours and very difficult to get one, so I stood there for a long time and was just drenched in sweat by doing nothing.  Finally an available driver picked me up and he offered a washcloth saying, "Man you're really sweating hard out there."  I said "Thanks for picking me up, it is sure difficult to get a taxi."  That's when he told me, "It is because most people use Careem".  I then googled it and found out it's their version of Uber.

Once at the hotel we got set up in the cool airconditioned office and continued our session from last time, thanks to her summarizing things with a PDF file.  Before getting into anything she said she worked out at Gym Nation and I just about spit out my coffee.  That is the fitness chain that the legendary coach I met in San Franciso last week basically founded when he used to be an expat in Dubai.  Talk about a small world!    

I explained this time I wanted to focus on how to reclaim broken dreams.  She said, "You know it's funny you mentioned that, because this is exactly what I had in mind for the session and had notes prepared for it to keep us on track."  Well very good then.  

Her opening gambit was, "I can see why you would want to talk about this.  You spent 20 years in China and it basically led you nowhere.  As we talked about yesterday, we know that Xi is going to be president for life, we've basically accepted that fact.  You felt that all the time and effort you spent was in vain and how you wasted half your life, hence now this midlife crisis.  This isn't to downplay all the memories and wonderful things that happened, but it seems it has all gone up in smoke."  

I said, "Yeah that pretty much sums it up" and then shared the whole experience when I was in San Jose with the haunted mansion.  I said, "To me this feels like I'm Sarah Winchester who built that house and spent all that time, money, and work only to see it destroyed in an earthquake."  She was really impessed with the metaphor.  When it comes to life coaching or talking to lawyers or whatever, it's a two way street.  I'll not hesitate to teach them stuff that's relevant.

She then said next "Here is what I want you to do.  This whole thing is very much emotionally charged for you.  I can see that.  I want you to do a journaling exercise where you just state the facts.  We can try this right now for starters.  Just tell the story in brief and state it in facts, keep the emotions and drama out of it.  Let's go."

I said, "Alright.  I came to China in two periods of time and was teaching mainly after 2006.  The first 10 years were amazing and some of the best years of my life."

She said, "Stop.  That had some emotional connnotation to it.  Just the facts.  Why not this time just focus on the changes prior to covid."

I said, "Ok.  Xi Jinping came to power in 2012.   Changes took place starting around 2016.  There were many crackdowns.  Police raided bars and nightclubs for drug testing.  There was also a massive crackdown to force people to follow traffic rules.  The year after that, they shut down and raided massage parlors.  Private tutoring was banned next around 2019.  It became harder and harder for people to get their money out of the country.  Many expats started leaving.  They cracked down on the Hong Kong riots in 2019.  There was also more talk about invading Taiwan.  International schools were under investigation.  Businesses were also raided."   Honestly this was barely 10% of what I could have said.

She said, "Excellent.  I could see from your body language that you changed posture, you sat up straight and used chopping 'matter of fact' gestures to just state one fact after the other.  And how did this exercise make you feel?"

I said, "It made me realize this was out of my control and there was really nothing I could have done about it.  So I feel lighter now."

She said, "Exactly!  And you probably aren't blaming for yourself for what happened now you just stated the facts.  I could tell that earlier you felt it was all your fault that you didn't see this coming and you chose to stay in China after the ship started sinking."

I said, "Well I don't have a crystal ball.  There was no way to know in advance, so maybe it wasn't my fault after all."

She said, "Let's do another exercise.  Let's list all the things you are grateful for that this trauma brought to you.  I know you think this is crazy but we can look at this as 'the gift is in the shit'.  There is a story about two people in a prison, one sees mud, the other sees stars.  What do you want to see?"

I said, "Wow, I get this.  So I will list them out one by one.  First I am more grateful for my Canadian passport than you can ever imagine.  Second I am grateful for freedom and the financial position to book a flight ticket out and do this trip where I'm Dubai right now."

She said, "Bravo, excellent, this is exactly it!  And I'm sure you realize there are millions of Chinese people, well educated ones too who can't do this.  Many did exit but only a very few relative to the population.  There are millions and millions more left behind who could not do what you just did."

I said, "Yes and it makes me very sad but it's out of my control.  Do you want to know something?  Are you aware of how desperate they are to get out of China and what they will do?"

She said, "Please tell me"

I said, "They will book flight tickets to Ecuador because it is one of the few places they can fly without a visa.  Once they arrive, there are criminal gangs who traffic those Chinese people through the country to neighboring Colombia, then the Darien Gap to Panama.  It is extremely dangerous and treacherous although the routes are well used.  People die on these journeys.  When they arrive in Nicauragua, they join other caravans who go all the way north to arrive at Trump's so-called border wall that he got Mexico to pay for.  Then the migrants take advantage of Biden's policies to enter the USA illegally and seek asylum.  And the thing is, get this.  It is middle class and educated Chinese who attempt these perilous journeys."

**Fact update:  as of July 1 2024 they can no longer do this because the Chinese government put pressure on Ecuador to close this loophole and require visas to arrive****

She was astonished.  I can guarantee that I am not making any of this up and even offered her sources  but she believed me.  The country is truly becoming more and more like North Korea.  Don't you dare fucking challenge me on that point because I have been to North Korea and know exactly what I'm talking about.

She said, "Wow, and this just proves my point.  Chinese people would literally kill to be in your position.  And here you are, you just buy a plane ticket and leave.  You are in an extraordinarily privileged position.  I think you would be a lot grateful for this now."  I agreed 1000%

Next she said, "We're making great progress here."

For some reason we started talking about minimalism and all the progress I made during the covid lockdown to begin whittling down my stuff.  I siad, "The best feeling ever was when this project started during the lockdown.  When we could finally leave the house and go into the compound, I had two large bags full of crap.  After they had been digitized, I threw them into the trash and said good fucking riddance.  That was the beginning of a massive cleanup project that has gone on ever since."

She said, "Great, now tell me what this has to do with getting rid of toxic people in your life?"

I said, "The connection is totally obvious" and shared the story of how I axed that so-called best friend of mine from high school and did that on the plane before taxiing out of SeaTac airport.

She said, "How did it feel to get rid of that slimeball?  And what did you do afterwards?"  

I told her how light I felt and how that flight was one of the best I've ever had in my life with nearly picture perfect scenery.

She went on to say that when we get rid of toxic people it leaves a void but better people quickly come in to fill it.  She also said that if we don't learn these lessons, life will have us repeat them again, and again and again.  She said regarding my ex-girlfriends, "It is something you probably haven't learned yet and you keep on attracting these same kind of controlling women.  But eventually you'll figure it out.  Life is like a movie, and you can change the genre.  I'm guessing yours is drama and that might explain why you have been attracting drama queens into your life.  Do you really want this?  Why not change the genre?"

Sadly she was right, and this was the topic that the counselor from the US was focusing more on so I will let her tackle that one.

After a bit more back and forth we closed the session and I told her, "To start reclaiming broken dreams I booked a yacht party here in Dubai and will live it up like you wouldn't believe it.  The partying stopped in Shanghai for many years but it's about to come back in a revitalized form."

We ended with a great session then it was time to hit my fitness class.