Day D5: No Escape

July 21, 2024

One thing on the agenda for this Dubai exploration was to check out an escape room. They were apparently everywhere.

But first, I needed to check on the new bike / wife sitting downstairs. It occured to me with this relentless heat that keeping the bike in a black bag outside wasn't the smartest idea so I did what should have been done a long time ago: brought it inside the house. It is pretty obvious that biking in Dubai in summer isn't happening. So I figure why not just store it in a better place.

Last night was a bit of a misadventure checking out night clubs. There was a promoter I met at a social event who was going to give a tour but it didn't quite work out. So while exploring around on my own I went to the official downtown area and saw a whole new part of the city. This was more like older style buildings with smaller restaurants and tables outside. There were all manner of electronic shops. It was like a fusion of India, Pakistan, and other areas. Hard to put a finger on it exactly but this was pretty surreal stuff.

I did poke my head into a few clubs but they were all the small kind with tables and not much dancing. Unfortunately I got nervous which ruined the experience and this happened for several reasons. One it was my first time here and totally unfamiliar with the scene. Two, logistics are complicated. The clubs are all scattered here and there and transport isn't easy. The limit of walking is about 200-300 meters before sweat starts pouring out so really you have to pick your venues carefully. This is a challenge when you don't really know in advance where you're supposed to go. Three, it's been so long since I've done the whole clubbing thing anyway. I used to do the clubs all the time before covid but as been discussed at length already, the pressure and politics really did a number on my mental health. And finally it sucks to go into a club alone, well depending on what kind that is. The ones with tables for sure.

But maybe it's all a mental or psychological thing. As a good friend told me back in Shanghai you can't fixate on the thought that 'I'm doing XYZ alone and then people will notice it' because that manifests the very thing out of nervousness. Instead it helps to go back to the basics that sigma males really don't give a shit what other people think or following social expectations. So if others think it's weird to go to a club alone well they're missing out on the fun.

In the end I called it a night and went back to the Airbnb. No matter then there'll be another crack at this.

The next day it was more exploring but this time to check out a massive social event at Palm Jameira again. Unfortunately I forgot the credit card in the Airbnb and had to ration out 100 dirhams that was in my pocket. It meant a taxi could get there but I would have to navigate the metro coming back. That was all managed successfully, but looking at the budget I was spending a fortune on transportation and wishing I could just ride the fucking bike and be done with it. In normal times of the year, yes you can. Just not now. It really made me realize how much money the bike saves on transport.

Anyways once at the event, yet again, I spent hours networking and talking to people. The highlight was meeting a well-educated professional woman from Gabon Africa who is working on the oil rigs as a mechanical engineer. We had a lot to talk about, and it was quite funny when I gradually threw into the conversation what I did for a living and was up to this trip. One by one it was as if my value started increasing. Teacher, check, mathematics, check, masters degree, multiple years experience, fitness enthusiast, stock trader, world traveler. Eventually she realized that the package was too good to be true. She asked if I had a wife of which I said yes.

That event done, it was becoming clear from this trip that so many people were open and friendly and this was an expat paradise. As they said at the event, this is exactly what it is with a large flow of people coming and going. Emphasis on coming also. In China the expats are just leaving.

On the metro ride back it was a complete clusterfuck. Not knowing how to use the ticket system and the trams to get to the metro first, I was comptelely lost and clueless, not to mention running out of dirhams. A woman traveling alone from Cyprus came to the rescue and asked where I was going. She said, "Don't worry about it, I'll buy your ticket". I thanked her very much. She had only been in the country a few days and was navigating things just like me. She said, "Traveling alone is the only way to do things" which I completely agreed and told her how I figured out the Japanese train system in Tokyo by myself just like that. But now I needed her help to figure out the Dubai metro. Once she explained the metro, it was easy. From the closest stop it was a taxi back to my Airbnb and I could afford it with the remaining dirhams that I had thanks to her buying my metro ticket. Otherwise I would be walking on the street and boiling like before.

After all that it was time for a nap then a short taxi ride, this time with more cash, to meet the same life coach for a trial session that I had met at the Internations on Thursday.

She had a nice setup in a lobby office at some hotel nearby and we had a very good conversation. I tried to take mental notes but there was so much information and she graciously arranged to make a PDF file that summarized it .

We basically opened with the ongoing dilemma I've posted here and she said, "In life there are two basic needs. The need for certainty and the need for uncertainty. Looking at how you're so outgoing and what you've done with this trip, also based on everything you told me, it seems you have a need for uncertainty. I mean you flew in here without knowing much of what Dubai was about and already you're meeting people everywhere and learning about the place, networking, etc.. This is all great. There is a balance between certainty and uncertainty. I can say with certainty that most people choose the first only. You're not one of those people. Most people you know they get stuck in the same routine, and don't even question it or why they're in it. Work, sleep, eat, repeat. They don't know how to make a change, much less care to."

She was completely on point. It was as if they were living in the Matrix. And here I was attempting the unthinkable: to escape the Matrix.

She also said, "Look, we have to accept the fact that Xi and Putin have set themselves up to rule for life. They will be in power until they die. Probably at least 20 years more from now. It is super sad, and yes it is a sinking ship over there. I know this whole thing makes you sad, but it is reality. You had dreams in China and they are now broken dreams. I think you've already accepted this."

I said, "Yes, it is a foregone conclusion." She knew what she was talking about since she left Russia, and believe me she wasn't the only one.

She then said, "But I think you got past that point. Look, you're here now. You're sitting in this office. This is a major, major step. Most people could never do that. As a life coach, all I can do is mirror what I see. I can't tell you what to do, and can only offer opinions. Ultimate you need to decide. Your greatest loyalty is to yourself and you need to be true to yourself. But as a coach, I can see you have the courage, you have the social skills, you have the determination, you have the stamina. You're going to make it, I believe in you."

I then told her the story of all the people I met during the Thailand and Cambodia trip in January and the Saudis in particular, basically all those who pointed towards the Middle East and culminating with Dad Version 2.0 who said that's the place to check out. She snapped her fingers and said, "Yes! All those people were signposts along the way."

I shared more and the coach said "From what it sounds like you're telling me, the whole thing you describe and all the aspects of your life in China is like a prison. That has become your reality. But listen, like I said you are courageous and you can do this. Look at it this way. You made the huge step to come to China 20 years ago by yourself and completely start over from scratch. You can do this again, you already are."

I didn't want to tell her that I felt like Sarah Winchester who effectively created a house out of her past trauma and manifested the very thing that she believed was against her. She then saw half her work destroyed by an earthquake. In my case, I built a life in China after all the pain back home, in search of freedom and a new life yet manifesting the very same thing I walked off from. Then much of what I created was destroyed by a political earthquake when Xi took over, culminating with the covid lockdown.

But what did Sarah do? Against all odds she kept persisting. Look I'm not saying she made the right choices but I admire her determination.

The coach ended with "As I said at the social event, what happened in China is not a setback but a setup. Your 20+ years of experience is going to be absolutely HUGE for what is next for you. Who knows how it will play out but it will be a major asset."

My mind then jumped to the international market area, basically like a Chinatown and what someone else mentioned at the event today about the new wave of Chinese coming to Dubai.

Because of Xi obviously he had created the biggest diaspora of Chinese people in the history of the world. So many were leaving his dictatorship and were going to every known place in the world. Of course Dubai had to be one of those hubs. Without a doubt his sidekick Putin had done the exact same thing with Russia. Not only was it the biggest diaspora ever, the people leaving both dictatorships were the best and the brightest. Eventually when I got to Georgia and Armenia it would be seen firsthand I would likely meet other Russians like her to tell stories. On the other hand there would also be no shortage of those who despise Russians based on the sheer volume who fled to Georgia after the invasion of Ukraine. It would be a tightrope to walk, so avoiding political discussions at first would be better.

My coach then gave some more positive exercises to do and create a vision for the future. At the end, of course was invitiation for a follow up. The first session was free but she laughed and said, "You know I charge for my sesssions of course."

I then asked for times of availability and rates. Hers were 600 dirhams an hour, basically double that of the healing counseling from the US I'm talking to online at the same time. I said, "Well you're worth it but for that price I can only do one session." She countered with, "If it's 400 dirhams an hour for two sessions is that workable?"

I said yes. I'm already spending a fortune on talk therapy, but the more people we can throw at this midlife crisis the better. Besides her and the healing counselor from the US, I also booked another 5 sessions in advance when I eventually arrive in Bangkok with the same guy who helped me out last year. For all this talk therapy, I set a budget of $1000 and it seems this is very good value from what I'm getting already.

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