July 27: A tentative step while the world is healing

July 27, 2021

I have been wanting this for almost two years

THIS gap in our lives cancelled a planned cycle trip to the Loire Valley, the N2 in Portugal and the Alpe-Adria Radweg. Yes, I know it has been said, restated and flogged til the horse was raised from the dead, but this time period has been weird with many activities on hold. Though I could have simply sat around the house doing nothing but sitting around the house, though I did a lot of that, I also spent a good part of almost every day doing some nordic skiing over the winter, and some local cycling over the warmer months. The carrot always dangling was the idea that the time would come when a tour could be ridden.

So here it is time and where am I to go? A bit nervous to fly out of country in case of more lockdowns caused by more variants, I decided on my own home Canadian province of Ontario. I also wanted to see my sister and her family after this very long hiatus. When one of the bloggers/vloggers I watch mentioned the Cannon Ball 300, which literally passes along my sister's street, I knew where I would go, so it was just a matter of when it would be.

Every year for quite some time now, I ride a 'summer solstice ride' which is as close as possible to June 21, based on my schedule and weather. The 50 km route is between my hometowns of Cochrane, ON, and Iroquois Falls, ON. This year's ride from IF to CO was a sunny cool morning with not a breath of wind. I started rolling just past sunrise and after about two and a half hours, I had arrived. This served as my test for riding closer to a daily tour average. My daily home ride is about 20 km. (near Iroquois Falls, ON)

Initially hoping to go in May, there were mounting case counts in the province, moreso in our health unit area. In the meantime, vaccines were rolled out in my community so I was scheduled for my first vaccine! Yahoo! Then second vaccines were rolled out, and I got mine. Yahoo yahoo! Then case counts started to diminish in our region, province and country, so things were looking good. Until the clouds rolled in.

Prior to Covid, before heading out on tour, I would often get pre-tour butterflies. This time, there are loads of these fears, and they feel like big dark clouds on the horizon. And it is weird... it is not a fear of getting or spreading the disease, it is not a fear of being physically unfit; rather, it is a fear of going 'out there'. Is this some form of mild agoraphobia? Is this normal after this time of 'Stay at Home'? I don't know, but I am having to push myself. In the back of my mind I am reminding myself that once I am on my way south if I just can't do it, then I won't, and can just come back to the safety of my home. What have I become?!

Rate this entry's writing	Heart	5
Comment on this entry	Comment	0